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RE: Acknowledging Possible Trauma Reactions
My dear, my heart, fellow survivor!
F1st of all: I am having struggles with all my siblings. Our parents got into our minds. They devided us by so many things they did and today my three siblings would say: We're having a troubled relationship. I don't see it like them. I know, my parents caused those traumas and troubles between us. Please free yourself from guilt. That is the first thing that you should let go of.
Being hurt less than others doesn't mean you're being guilty of having a slightly "better" experience than your sister had.
- May I ask about these hallucinations? I was having some, too. My mother would always use them to tell people I am not reliable. "Don't believe a thing she says. She's out of her mind. She's hallucinating …" I want to suggest the following: Maybe you aren't.
- I know about this f*in state of being in two minds. That's the worst for me. Polarity.
I am here. I hear you. I fell you. I love you.
Thank you. It means a lot to be heard by someone who comprehends.
I'm so sorry your parents divided you and your siblings from one another. The developing breeding is such a vulnerable thing and it's so hard to escape what was learnt in childhood.
My sister and I are close, possibly because we could only truly trust each other. I guess I realise, now that you say it, that she would never minimalise what I went through over what she went through. I know we reacted to it in different ways.
The hallucinations I had were usually visual. Only that once do I remember it being physical with the hand on my leg. They usually reflected what might have been on my mind that day, like when a pet died, or sometimes it was as if I was being watch or followed. I once woke to see something directly above me on the ceiling and when I sat up to get away from it, it followed me like it was on a rail. If I could get to a light switch or make a sudden, physical change in perspective like throwing covers from me, they would vanish. If I couldn't get to a light switch, then they faded more slowly, or would reach me when I cowered away, but of course nothing happened and they were gone when I looked up again.
are you on discord? I'd love to talk to you if you allow. :)
I am, but under a different name and I don't want connections made to that. The main reason I've never talked about this before is because there are innocents who don't need me coming public on this. I was helped to get this account anonymously so I can speak without worry of it being connected back.
makes perfect sense to me. Sorry if you felt pushed.
and thank you for finding the courage to speak about it.