I hope someday I can define myself.
I avoid everything possible ... analyze myself.
I think I learned to live out of my mind.
Being inside hurts.
But taking a little risk, I can tell you that today I turn 54, I look older than 60, but I feel that I am 15 years old. LOL :-)
Happy day!
I turned 64 last Aug, so I am nearly half way through my 65th trip around the sun.
You almost sound as if you are trying to say you are "Agoraphobic", I have several family members who have that condition.
I find it hard to understand, as outdoors is so beautiful and liberating unless you are in a city, then it can be not so much.
I am still very much a child inside an old mans body.
I leave home every day and go to parks with lots of green.
But the lack of sun depresses me. (It's dark here today) and I don't go out.
Also the films in low light and today I discovered that the photos with lack of sun sadden me. (It will be true) I will investigate.
Although I love black and white photos, they are not necessarily dark.
Hahaha, I owe you psychoanalysis.
I suffer from SADD (Seasonally Affective Depressive Disorder) myself, so winters are bad for me.
I keep as many lights turned on as I can, especially on dark gloomy days.
Many times I just stay in bed if I don't have a reason to get out.
I hope you get better, get out and enjoy your life more @mariita52