On asking for support.

How many of you have asked for a support when you were going through something and felt like it wasn’t the kind of support that you want? Now I know that it can be hard at times and you kind of expect that people that you know will know what you need and will provide it for you. Truth is our needs can change depending on the events and that bucket of ice cream might not go well with your workout plan and goals at that moment. And saying no to it, might be even harder in a stressful situation. The key is listening to what is going on with you. Sometimes it can be a physical element, a hug, or a full body massage. When we go through something resembling our early childhood traumas, like deficiency of protection, intimacy, actual care, low defenses and abandonment, our body is the fist one to react to those needs. If you are feeling like you want to crumble into a fetus position, most probably it’s one of those.
Sometimes it can manifest in binge eating, that’s a call from our early oral reflexes. In order to avoid another run to the fridge, stop for a second, what emotion do you feel right now, what are you trying to shut down? Is it something you are “not allowed” to feel? Were you ever told to shut your mouth when speaking about your pain? Hang in there, you can live through this. Stop for a second, grab a pen and paper, and write down whatever comes to your mind. Don’t stop until you will feel empty, and if your mind takes you some place else, follow it. Right now you have a chance to resolve something that’s been lingering at the back of your mind for a long time. If you want to share what you have found with a friends, or a therapist. Talk about it, it’s your experience and there is no shame at asking for help if you need it to live though it.
Sometimes you might need a parental expression of love that you never had. This can be resolved both ways, asking a therapist or a friend directly “listen, I really need you to be my mum for a sec, can you tell me this and that”. In the beginning it might feel awkward but then, the more you get used to saying what is it that you truly need to hear the easier it will becomes to say, to talk about your needs and most probably with time you will learn how to say it to yourself. There is nothing wrong about feeling “childish” feelings, we all have some kind of past. The best thing is that you have here and now to give it to yourself, in any way you choose to.
Lastly, no matter how bad it might feel right now, do not discount it, don’t shove it under the carpet of unresolved issues. Allow yourself to be weak, vulnerable and hurting. There is nothing wrong with it. Give it time. The kinder you are towards yourself the more kindness you will receive from others.
Have an awesome day guys.