“I have a lot of feelings I don’t really know what to do with nowadays.........................................

“I have a lot of feelings I don’t really know what to do with nowadays. I don’t want them. I wish I could store them somewhere until they were useful. The words ‘I’m okay’ seem like a foreign language when they’re together without the word not in between them. Foreign to me, anyway. I don’t feel like I can use them without feeling like a horrible liar. They’re just words to me. There’s no emotion behind them - unless you count the fear that someone will realize I’m not and ask why. It’s always been better for me to break in silence. That way, no one sees it. That way, no one breaks with me if they care enough to be moved. Seems kind of twisted when you think about it. I want to be there for everyone else, but don’t want anyone to waste even a second on me. I want to read everyone, but when it comes to me, there are days I want to be read thoroughly and days when I don’t even want people to see my cover. I’m a hypocrite, a walking contradiction, a mess. If I could, I’d fast forward into the future. Maybe there, I’m not like this.”