thank you for your advice @razvanelulmarin . I am working on it for a zillion of years but it is still hard to accept for what it is. A vicious cycle! I see to remind them for their own "shit " I am not smelling anymore. I realised, I cannot change them nor am I willing to change my choices. somehow it seems they are actually very jealous of my free spirit, without seeing how much harder my life abroad is then living in a little secured nest they hold on to for a lifetime. I forgive them but can't forget nor do I wish to keep in touch with anybody who doesn't like me or at least tries to understand me. Love is what we need ! Unconditional love....