Aww scorrpi. I cannot even begin to imagine. It's a double edged sword. You fear and worry when there and worry and fear when not there. A good friend of mine from El Salvador, a small country in S. America, lived through a civil war there and it amazes me to this day how strong she is. She managed to leave. Move to US. Start a new life. Learn a new language, and eventually getting an education and attending one of the most respected schools in the state where I live. You have tremendous strength and character. Don't ever forget that!!