Fear is one of those things that can make or break a person, often times both. I know it well and it’s something that has kept me often paralyzed into doing nothing for much of my life. My last 7 years have been a journey of facing fears and dealing with them, or at least attempting to.

Today John pushed me to do something I should have done a year ago. We got a motorcycle about a year ago, a smaller 200 cc with the intention that it will eventually be mine when John buys a bigger one for himself. Our goal is to travel Mexico and maybe beyond on these bikes in the future, hopefully with Rebel Dog in a sidecar.

I spent much of my childhood on a Harley Sportster, including some of my infancy. I was a baby that suffered from severe motion sickness and my Dad used to take me on slow speed rides when I was a baby to get me over my problem of projectile vomiting all over the place whenever the car moved. Something about the bike was different and I could ride on that without getting sick, learning the art of sleeping while being driven around. Eventually I grew up and went from sitting in front of my Dad to sitting behind him about the time that my head started to hit his chin every time he’d accelerate.

I’ve always had dreams of riding a bike about the size I grew up on and in many ways the motorcycle we picked out last year is a cheaper, smaller engine new style version of it, obviously with distinct differences. When we actually purchased a bike intended for me, I honestly wimped out and for the past year have been to chicken to drive the damn thing, despite the fact that I am more than able.

Today John finally bugged me into doing it, partially because he wanted to play around with his drone too. He took me to a quiet empty soccer field and showed me the basics. I got on the bike and got a feel for it, leaning it side to side to check out the weight.

I was scared. Scared I’d fall over immediately and when I first started I forgot to give it enough gas and so I kinda crawled forward and couldn’t keep my balance. Scared I’d hurt myself or break something on the bike.

“Slow is hard, go faster and you’ll get your balance” John yelled. I tried it and he was right, it worked. I immediately switched from first to second gear and accelerated faster. It was all the sudden happening, I was flying down a sandy dirt road by myself on a motorcycle and it wasn’t going badly. Remembering how to take turns on a bike as a kid I adapted that to this much heavier version easier than I expected.

My only previous experience with a two wheeled vehicle is a small dirt bike that my Dad picked up to teach me with, knowing I wanted to take his Sportster one day. My few attempts at riding the thing were a bit of a disaster that left me afraid to bother again. I was prone to taking off doing wheelies whether I wanted to or not. It was a disaster. I never got hurt but I got close enough to swear the thing off for good. Even my Dad admitted it was one of the roughest riding ones he’d ever been on.

But despite my fears today wasn’t the disaster I expected. It occurred to me that literally the worst things that could occur would be I’d drop the bike at relatively slow speed and make an ass of myself in front of the drone and the small audience of kids that’d gathered to watch the crazy gringa learn to ride a moto. They’ve all seen me on foot, in the back of the truck and on the back of that same bike but never solo and it was a spectacle. I appreciate that I had the luck of having time to get comfortable before they showed up.

At first it seemed like they were taking bets, waiting for me to crash and I was too in my own way. As time went on it seemed they were just there for the show, probably partially due to the drone flying after me. I was seriously not into the idea of doing this the first time with the drone either but it wasn’t as bad as I expected, partially because I didn’t crash.

Now I did make the bike a little fish tailey and I almost dropped it completely once, relying on old bike riding tactics to put my foot down and stand it up before it had a chance to hit the dirt. I knew immediately that was only okay in these specific slow speed conditions but with how sore my ankle is I know to avoid that in the future, lest I not get so lucky. What I did learn out of that is I would easily be able to pick up my bike in the event that I’m alone and lay it on it’s side, something that can happen and does happen.

Today I was reminded about how fear can keep us from pursuing dreams, even small ones of driving a motorcycle. Despite having open access to a bike for more than a year I let my fear keep me away and definitely limited myself having John as the only one able to drive any of our vehicles.

I’m a little nervous for my next moto adventure which is going to involve hills and likely light traffic, but I am ready given everything that I learned today.

What dream does fear keep you from pursuing?

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