Are you lonely?

It's a question we used to ask on one of our forms when trying to capture people that needed some help or intervention.

You see, feeling lonely is completely different from being alone. You could be alone and feel perfectly happy. I'm alone for most of the day when I'm hard at work trying to earn pennies for the family, but I'm really happy. Even before I met my wife I was alone, yet for the most part really happy within myself.

I feel as a society we're more lonely and solitary than we have ever been. You never see kids playing on the streets anymore, play parks are left empty after school and it's becoming harder and more distant to connect with friends in person than it's ever been.

I blame technology. I think technology on the whole is a good thing, because it's smashed through barriers and boundaries of a geographical nature that previously no-one thought possible. Only a couple of weeks ago was I talking with someone living in Brunei, and had this technology not surfaced in my lifetime I would probably have never conversed with them. But as well as connecting us on a previously unfathomable scale it's also made us more reliant on it than ever before.

I was an early adopter, having the internet before most people even knew what a computer was, and, as a result I still had the busy social life, going out, making friends, having parties and so on. We were friends with our neighbours, we spent long periods of time with other people, we were living as we were meant to be, as social animals. Because when it boils down to it humans weren't designed to be solitary. No matter what you say, we're not. It's why partners, family and friends are hugely important.

Now? I remember sitting in the doctors waiting room a couple of weeks back. I was waiting for my wife, and normally I would strike up a conversation with someone about anything, but they were all on their phones. Not interested in talking to me, and had fuck off looks on their faces. Why talk to me when they have their friends at their fingertips right? When anyone they want to talk to is right there in front of them. Why talk to me? I'm just some c*nt in a doctors waiting area. And that's where we have gone wrong in my way of thinking.

We strive for connection, our biological makeup releases hormones and endorphin's and generally good shit when we make a connection with someone on the physical, be that a five minute chat in the doctors area or a sit in at your house with a group of friends. There's absolutely none of that when we talk online, connect online and make connections online. Granted, it feels nice to make friends over the internet but it just doesn't feel as good as in the person. We're physical people. We're not built for screens and typing.

It may seem a crazy concept to some but at the height of my loneliness I had the most online friends and spent the most time online. My curtains were closed and I'd see my Mum ever week, and my friends perhaps once or twice every month. I was connecting with people every day, but boy, was I just craving physical connection and I didn't realise it. That's why I enjoy doing the school runs for my kid now, it gets me out of the house, and I get to talk to other Mums and Dads in the same situation as me. I also make it a priority to visit my friends every so often so I don't go mad. I live with my wife and son, so that keeps everything a bay most of the time.

So perhaps next time you think about texting or facebooking your friend that only lives a walk, or a short drive away, why not pop in and see them? Stop by unannounced? Or, if that's not their thing phone them up and see if they'd be up for something. Keep connecting! Do it online and offline constantly and you'll do well! In my opinion, anyway.

Thanks for listening,

Be well,

@lifeisawesome