Soul-ache - Poems from pain by Laura Bean

I wrote this poem today.

When a couple both suffer with a mental illness and one of them is having a bad day, it can have a detrimental effect on the relationship.

I write this poem with the intention of giving hope to any partners or sufferers of any mental health related illness whilst expressing my own emotions.

I took this photograph using a black and white filter in Amsterdam, March 2017.

Soul-ache

I'm feeling that feeling
The one that draws me to him
I can't eat
I can't sleep
It controls from within
It's my soul and my bones
I ache hard for his presence
I need him to hold me
Need to hear his admittance
Because I know he doesn't mean it
And I know how that sounds
To the same I'd say stop it
Before it all grinds you down
But what we have runs much deeper
And noone else can understand
I can work through these hard times
And we'll go back to wonderland
This comes across like denial
But its quite far from that road
This is what you do for real love
Do what it takes to share the load
But whilst it happens i'm hurting
So I use words to survive
To express how I'm feeling
To keep my soul alive
I just want to help him
Take away all his pain
Each time that this happens
My confidence drains
I know just how he's feeling
As sometimes I suffer too
I know that right in this moment
there's not much I can do
He feels no love or kindness
I must stay calm until it's gone
In the mean time I'll be thinking
Wondering where I went wrong
Although I know it's not my doing
I don't make him act this way
Whether or not he can control it
Doesn't mean I have to stay
I'm still here because I love him
He's my twin flame, he's my strength
For as long as my heart allows me
I'll be in this for the length
Once he gets into his treatment
And his wounds begin to heal
I'll still be right here waiting
Life wont feel quite so surreal.