What are the best ways to handle failures in our lives?
WHAT IS FAILURE
Failure is a lack of success in doing or achieving something, especially in relation to a particular activity.
I WILL GIVE U SEVEN STEP OF HANDLING FAILURE IN LIFE
1. First, just accept how you feel.
When you’ve just failed it will most likely hurt. Sometimes a bit. Sometimes a lot. That’s OK. Don’t try to push it away by distracting yourself or by trying to push the responsibility onto the rest of the world (if you deep down know that this one’s on you partly or fully). And don’t try to paint it over with a smile. I’ve found that it works better to not let yourself be lead away by those options or impulses. But to just be with what I’m thinking and feeling. To try to accept it, to let it in and to hurt for a while instead of trying to reject it all and to keep it away. Because when you let it in and accept it then it will go faster and in the long run be less painful to process what has happened.
2. Remember: you’re not a failure just because you had a setback.
When you’ve had a setback it’s very easy to start thinking that you will always keep failing[YBG1] in this area of your life. It’s easy to start thinking that YOU are indeed a failure. Don’t fall for such a destructive and sometimes seductive self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, remind yourself that:
§ Just because you failed today or yesterday doesn’t mean that you’ll fail the next time.
§ The truth is that this won’t last for the rest of your life if you keep moving forward, if you take action and you keep learning and it doesn’t label you as some kind of failure (except if you decide to create that label in your own head).
Seeing what’s negative as a temporary thing instead of something permanent is an essential key to an optimistic attitude and to keep going forward in life.
3. Be constructive and learn from this situation.
See it more as valuable feedback and something you can use to improve rather than only a big blow and setback. I’ve found that the simplest and most helpful way to do that is to ask myself better questions (instead of the common ones that send you off into a negative spiral).
Questions like:
§ What’s one thing I can learn from this?
§ How can I adjust my course to avoid this trap/making the same mistake and likely do better next time?
§ What’s one thing I can differently the next time?
Take some time with these questions and be honest with yourself as you answer them. There’s no rush and while some of the answers may be immediate others might take an hour, day or even a week to pop up
4. Find inspiration and support from your world.
A conversation with someone close to you can be very helpful. Another thing you can do is to learn from those who’ve gone where you want to go. Read about how they handled setbacks and low-points before or during their success in books, on websites or online forums. Or you can simply tap into the enthusiasm or motivation of someone else by listening to a podcast or audio book for maybe 30-60 minutes. This may not be specifically about your current challenge but can help you to shift your mood and mindset back towards optimism again.
5. Managing Risk
Failure is painful and your ability to withstand pain is tested during failure. However, unless you fail, you won’t know your limits. People who never aim for higher things of life may never fail but they also never live. J. K. Rowling, a British novelist, screenwriter and the author of the Harry Potter fantasy series of books said, “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.”
You must learn to fail but not always fail. If you are failing too much, it means you are aiming too high. If you are succeeding too much, you are aiming too low. Learn to aim just right where you have successes and failures both. Too much of failure break a person and too much success makes the life boring. You must learn to take risk in life and aim reasonably high so that you can manage the failure and also achieve your best potential. Use each of your failure to measure yourself and learn to manage the risk appropriately.
6. Learning from Failure
Life is an experiment. Just like a scientist discovers the laws of nature by experimenting, you discover yourself and the world only by participating in an experience. A famous scientist Prof. Anon said, “Every experiment proves something. If it doesn't prove what you wanted it to prove, it proves something else.”
You must learn the ‘something else’ that is proven from the failure. For example, if you perform too badly in any life situation, you must introspect and relook your assessment about yourself and the world. For example, if you got mere 10% marks in CSE and figure in bottom 10% of the merit list despite your best effort, it is the time to look for something else. You must find out which area you can do better.
Mahatma Gandhi failed as an advocate and hence changed his path towards politics and public life. Dhirubhai Ambani failed to do well in academics, hence he focused in business and created the greatest business empire in India. Thomas A. Edison too learned from failure as he admitted, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” When you fail, look for different options and choose the best option for yourself.
7. There is no failure
The most important thing to understand that ‘failure’ is a myth and there is actually no failure. You write a competition like Civil Services Examination (CSE) and failed to get into the service because you got only 40% mark while you required 50% to succeed. Can you call yourself a failure? The answer is no. Because you have still ‘succeeded’ in getting 40% marks and you may still be better than 90% of the candidates appeared in the examination. Suppose, there are 500, 000 candidates wrote the examination, you are still in top 50000 and better than 450,000 candidates. You have to only try a little harder to move from 40% to 50% and make it a success. You have also acquired so much knowledge in the process. You never fail in reality because you always succeed in achieving something in the process.