Life is a calm chaos.

Tonight, it's late. I should be sleeping but then my mind would wander of to a dream land where everhthing is okay. I cant accept the peace sleep brings to one, not tonight. Not with him snoring next to me.
I have been reclusive since that bitter morning. Hiding within my tiny, aged apartment. Not embarrassed but mlre ashamed of the decisions i choose. Your a reflection of the company you keep, right.? My refelction cant be a rageful man with a short fuse, can it? How can that be when my temper rarely gets the best of me and I am so quiet, peaceful in everyday life? How csn a reflection mirror back opposite traits than were put in....
A battered woman ask these questions every night. Talking to herself, alone because by this point in life she has no one but herself that will listen. The isolation is just part of the control. He must have your attention, your actions, you. He wants your thoughts. To control them, break them down, then build you up to your "full potential."
The violence endured is just the tip lf the iceberg; you see bruises ya under that black and blue is a tattered, worn soul who is begging for an escape, a calm within her daily chaos. Her lifd is no longer hers it belongs to him.
How did i get here....telling my internet friends my bleakest, remorseful thoughts at 1:55 am? Too afraid to discuss with real life peers as messages, texts, and convsrsations are closely monitored.
He will be mad, is it worth his anger to open up? Not so much anymore. Not after that morning.
The way to stay in line is to remember how much the initial injury then surgery hurt to repair your broken facial bones. Terrible, thats just how she makes decisions.