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RE: I want to write... but I'm too disgusted with myself to begin...
Sorry that you’re going through a rough time. Not one with many commitments at all here, but I partly understand that staying at home for extended periods of time can be maddening sometimes, even to the point of developing tunnel vision. But all in all it’s likely the situation is not as bad as it seems.
Keep writing! Maybe even build a garden at home!
That would be enjoyable and a wise skill to learn. I need a fucking time machine...