Under the waterfall of thoughts. Reflections on Depression

My mind is a constant waterfall of thoughts.

When depressed, the water is frigid cold, making my thoughts abrasive and agitated…

When I'm in my optimistic, healthy state, the water is warm and enjoyable, my thoughts are so enjoyable to experience. That flow is welcomed and appreciated. I'm not sure my mind is wired to always have this waterfall of thoughts rushing through me in a positive way. it's always been present. Warm or Cold, Optimistic or Aggitated...

Seems I need to find a way of not letting the water turn cold… it's rough fighting against that. huh, I am even framing it as a battle….. could have said, struggle or challenge to overcome.

I am usually pretty aware of my word choice and framing. Maybe "fighting" depression, is the fuel that perpetuates the feedback loop. Wonder if I just ignore it? would that break the feedback loop? Suppress the chemical cascade, I associate as depression?

When I stub my toe, I internally escape, I nope the Fuck outa that experience. Find the most peaceful corner of my mind and ignore all stimuli.I'mm sure if I stayed present. that pain would take over all parts of me. much like I feel depression at the moment.