How Did My Anger Magically Dissolve…

Is there a certain matter that always make you lose temper every time it happens? For me there really is such matter, and it really affects my relationship with my son. It took a few time of getting my son into tears that I finally realize that I’ve really got an anger issue that I have to change.

               

General speaking I’m a very mild temper person. My son just turned 11 this year and I adore him so much and have a great relationship with him. I’m usually not so easy to get angry at most things. 

But recently I realized that there was one thing that would make me lose my temper straight away every time. 

It all started from the first homework my son had to do for this new school year. I went to check on this homework project several times, and every time I got angry because I thought he was not doing a good job on it. My son got upset so many times and quite a few times he was into tears… 

After that happened I thought about it…. I love my son so much…. It’s heartbroken for me to see him get so sad and upset…. And it was all because of me… Of my uncontrolled temper…… 

I know that I’m a quite gentle and mind soul…. But somewhere inside of me there is a part that’s like a monster that would burst into flames every time when something is not well with my son’s academic. 

How did this monster got into me? I had to change it because I would not want to make my son upset again because of my anger. 

I thought about it for a long time…. And I suddenly remember reading and hearing about how abusive behavior would pass on from generation to generation. A man that was verbally abused by his father would verbally abuse his children the same way because he doesn’t know any better. 

When I thought of that, I realized that maybe my monster was also passed down to me from my parents… 

I grew up in a family of scholars. My parents are both university professors and we lived within a big university campus. That’s why my parents always put lots of emphasis on my academic performances. When I was a kid, every time when I’m not doing well academically, my parents would get angry with me… 

When I thought of that, I finally found the cause of my anger problem… 

After realizing all this, I surfed online to find out about ways to control anger and how to stay calm when my anger gets triggered…. 

I read a lot of information and learned lots of ways to avoid anger from bursting… The mainly method is basically “Stop, Drop and Breath”. Step away from the situation and only come back when you have calmed down. 

Yesterday a chance to test my temper came. This time my son had made a mistake and deleted the homework file that he had been working on all at once. If it was the old me I would burst into anger right away and would act like the sky is falling…. But this time I only expressed my surprise and worry a little bit, and then I walked away calmly… 

When I came back, I saw my son was not upset and was trying different things to fix the problem. I’m glad that I didn’t make my son upset this time. And honestly, wouldn’t get angry only get things much worse? By staying calm we are able to fix things in a much positive way. 

After this I realized that the anger that I use to have seem to already have dissolved…. It’s like magic! I’ve only spent some time to find out ways to control anger and I haven’t really practice those methods much yet…. But after by just thinking about solving it, it was already solved… Just like that! I was amazed for the change to happen so fast and without much effort… 

I think maybe the key thing to deal with your anger issue is to realize your problem. Sometimes we just keep reacting to situations in the same negative way every time, we never realize that we have a problem. But once you step out of the situation and get to realize that you have a problem, this realization is already an important start for change. 

I’m so pleased to see the change that I have achieved…. If this has helped you in some way you are welcome to leave a comment. Thanks. :)