I'm Pulling The Trigger On A Toxic Friendship Today...
Today something interesting happened.
I received a message from one of my old co-workers.
We'll call him Tyler Because I'm not going to be a jerk and put his name in this. But there is a valuable lesson to learn here.
I haven't talked to Tyler in the longest time.
We were coworkers for over four years.
I've always felt weird about him, Not in like a really bad way. It's kind of hard to describe, I could be having the best day in the world... And after talking to him, I could walk away feeling down. I never felt good after talking to him.
He wasn't necessarily a bad person. But his negativity was so draining... He always had something bad to say about everyone and everything.
He seemed to take everything that happened to him on a personal level.
Even though I felt uneasy around him, I wasn't going to be rude. I didn't want to cause drama and awkwardness at my workplace. The place I spend A LOT of time at.
So I just avoided him the best I could.
So after all this time, He messaged me.
I replied once, And he responded again with some snarky comment, Basically stating that "I didn't say goodbye to him, and I didn't give him a hug, That I guess I don't like him blah blah blah Etc... "
He took me quitting personal. And to be honest, When I left my job, I was so sick fo working there. I didn't say goodbye to anyone, Not only that but he was rarely ever around. By the time I had quit, I hadn't seen him forever.
I almost replied again, But then I realized...
I don't owe him an explanation.
I didn't owe him a Goodbye, I don't owe anyone a goodbye. People come and leave in your life.
This is my chance, To remove someone who is a walking ball of negativity from my life...
I'M TAKING IT!
So I ignored his message. I won't even respond. Or fully open his message. I feel sorry for people like that. Because he may not fully understand why. But I know from working with him, that many coworkers tried to "let him know." That way he could make the necessary adjustments.
Life is short!
Who you're surrounded by, can make a HUGE impact in your life! I'm not taking any chances. I wouldn't want my subconscious to be influenced by him. They say that you are the "sum" of the five people you spend the most time around. So I'm trying to be careful on who I choose to be close to.
I Hope He Can Find Happiness within Himself!
I hope one day he can look at his thoughts from a new perspective and become happier in his life. I have no ill will towards him. I just don't want to feel dragged down.
Sometimes It can be hard to analyze that voice in your head and start making adjustments. This is why self-improvement can be so difficult. In away you have to rewire your brain.
To change your behavior, You have to change your belief system. And change your way of thinking.
Sometimes you can't just scrape the surface and change personal habits because you'll go back to how you were.
I'm a little sad that I had to do this. But sometimes it's necessary! Don't be afraid to remove people that aren't helping you become a better person! Life is short!
You have made the right decision, because you respect yourself and you might protect it, you should go far of this kind of human , good luck...😉
Something I always keep in mind-- although I sometimes need to remind myself-- is that "NO" is a complete sentence. We don't "owe" anyone lengthy and convoluted explanations for our actions. And you clearly don't owe "Tyler" anything, either.
WOW! I love that! I never thought of No Being good enough haha.
Heheh :) It's true I don't!
The thing is, a lot of us like to think of ourselves as being "nice" people... and some part of our social conditioning tells us that "nice" people don't just say no without a "good reason." So we have a tendency to fumble around for excuses and rationalizations, as if simply not wanting to is not a legitimate reason to not do something.
So true! I feel like honesty is the "nice" way to be, But many people don't feel the same.
dekh gya amitabh bachhan ki movie... hahaha :P
thank you for sharing, it's a really important message that can have many effects on people, their health and overall life. I tend to call them "energy vampires"....they suck the goodness from the air and are not happy people. I can see a day or two now and then, but it's a way of life that becomes overbearing. Healthier to cut the cord.
I LOVE That! They truly are Energy Vampires!
great article, and you're right, you don't owe the "energy vampire" 💩!
what took you so long to decide?
Such an important message and one that more people should consider in their own lives. It simply comes down to "surround yourself with those people you want to be" Positive energy, positive outlook, strong willed, self motivated etc. Look for those qualities in the friendships you make and you will see your life change and reflect that almost instantly.
Wow. Glad for you. Seems to me that if he took you quitting personal then that must mean he really really really really liked you even though nothing was ever there to begin with
So true! It seems silly. Because I quit to pursue my dreams, It had nothing to do with him.
At least you can look back on those days with a laugh in the future..But I've always said "if you can't be there for yourself how can you be there for anyone els" that goes for family, kids, a job, anything really
😉Oh yeah and +1 follows from me😉
I think of another theme for this excellent post @kaylinart and i call it Wolves in Sheep clothings......i use to have such friends in my formal place of work......
Good for you. It's good to remove toxic people from your life. I know the sort of person you are talking about here: they just aren't happy, no matter what. And, they have a strange way making you feel like it's either your problem, or your fault, or both. No reason to keep in touch with this past co-worker.
One BIG THING here: let this person own their own choices. They choose what everything means to them, just as you do. The fact that somebody else continues to make bad choices should in no way effect the way you feel about yourself.
Exactly! I love your comment. They clearly aren't happy! And they need to figure out that on their own. It's definetly not my job haha.
Here's what I've learned - people will hurt you, but you don't have to respond: Not every mean comment or cruel act deserves to be noticed.
Exactly! And sometimes no response is the best way to respond.
Great post. Self improvement is all about emotional labour at the beginning. But it is necessary for growth.
So true hehe :)
Keep in mind you are choosing the people that have influance on you yourself. You are the one that decides who to share your spare time with. Taking such a decision takes courrage but on the long term it will help you!