How To Get Your Boyfriend To Propose!
You've been dating for a while, And just waiting for him to pop the question.
I feel like this is increasingly common these days.
You've been dating a year...
You've been dating two years...
You've been dating three years...
Five years...
Six Years...
Heck, maybe even 10 Years.
Every year on your birthday, You realize you're just getting older. Maybe you see a bit of aging in the mirror.
You try to reassure yourself, That marriage is just a "piece of paper."
You try to tell yourself that it's just "not important."
You're trying to convince yourself, that you don't "need" this.
As you see another person on Facebook flaunting their engagement, After just six months of dating....
But deep down you are going crazy Because here you are just waiting. Wondering, Not ever knowing if this will ever happen...
But you know it's something you want. No matter how much you deny it. You want it.
You've Had The Talk. A Million times...
This post is embarrassing for me.
I dated a guy six years....
I was in love with him; I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with him.
Sure things weren't perfect, But I was always trying to improve myself, Improve the relationship. And just overall grow myself.
We went through so much together, And still managed to stay by each other's side. So many good and bad experiences.
I thought for sure we'd be ready...
He seemed to match every definition of being my "soulmate" That ever existed.
I never felt this way about another human being in my life.
I didn't know it was even possible to love a person so much.
We talked... Again and again.
He convinced me that he was simply "clueless" about the whole thing. And that he would save for an engagement ring...
Another year goes by.. And nothing.
Deep down, I knew something was wrong. He has the money; He had the money the whole time...
I didn't even expect anything fancy or elaborate. Just something simple.
Here I am looking like a desperate idiot .
Finally, I brought it up again, Offering to pay for the ring. He'd just have to propose.
Easy right?
I get it; we want to assume the absolute best from our partners right?
But the thing is, This "talk" can only happen so many times.
Don't make my mistake.
If a man wants to be with you, He will make it happen. He will make it work. No silly excuses will be used. Luckily, Many guys out there will be honest and flat out say " I don't want to get married ever. " And if a guy says that BELIEVE HIM! In my case, That was never said. Until the very end...
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Two Years down...
Still nothing.
I was trying everything I could, to be the best that I could be, The best girlfriend. The best everything. But every day my heart was breaking so deep. I can't even describe the emotional turmoil I had to deal with. I feel like women don't understand it fully until they are in this situation.
Here I was this woman, Who never really cared about weddings or marriage. Turning into this obsessed, Disgusting little creep. Thinking nonstop about the married life.
I couldn't wait to be his wife; I couldn't wait to make him dinner And be excited to come home from work to see him.
I couldn't wait for our long-term plans! And being able to see him every day. And have a life together.
But every day, Every month, There was no movement forward.
I Thought we had an understanding here?!
He kept promising me; He was working on it. I just needed to give him "time." So I did. I trusted him. I believed that he would pull through, And I became excited. Knowing that soon... Soon I would be engaged to my best friend.
I guess five years at that point, Still wasn't enough.
There are a million articles online that say...
Do X+Y+Z, And you'll get the proposal.
But they don't work...
TRUST ME! I followed every single one of those!
If a guy isn't moving in that direction ON HIS OWN.
Run like hell!!!
You Can Force Your Guy To Propose, Trust Me! I DID!
After playing this funny little game for two years.
I finally got what I wanted...
On January 13, 2017.
He got down on one knee. And asked me to marry him.
For a moment I was the happiest woman alive.
Until we were walking back to our hotel, And I began to realize...
That he put almost no effort into the proposal. That something didn't feel right. The whole thing felt so forced...
My heart was more broken than it ever had been.
He had two years to prepare for this, And there was no preparation done at all.
Months later he finally He told me. He never wanted to.
He never wanted to get married, Or engaged to me, That he never even thought about it.
He only did it, Because he knew I wanted it. And He knew I'd leave if he didn't. I've never felt more "scammed" in my life. With someone, I invested so much into. Not only that but the WHOLE TIME! His friends, Family, And everyone else. Was also occasionally pressuring him, But He never told me that. Until now. I had no idea that the people he was closest to, Was so onboard with us being together forever. And what a compliment that was...
And the whole thing ended our relationship.
The thing is, The signs were there. THE WHOLE TIME!
But I chose to ignore them.
Most of the time in life, THE SIGNS ARE THERE! Sometimes we choose not to see them.
I instead believed his excuses and lies. I chose to look at the relationship with rose-colored glasses.
But I should have taken them off and WOKE UP!
I cant entirely blame him, But instead, I have to take responsibility for not leaving sooner.
I now have to start from scratch, A new relationship, New feelings, and I have to learn to somehow love deeply like that again.
So one day Maybe, I'll get married...
It Still Hurts
Deep down, I sometimes hope that this will somehow correct itself. That somehow, This was all a mistake, and things will change.
That his love for me will be deep enough, That he'll run in on a horse to take me away.
But it's not happening, Today, tomorrow. Or even in this lifetime.
And why should I care?
Is this someone that I should spend my life with?
Someone that can deceive me and play with my emotions for years? Someone who is so okay with "letting me go"? And throwing in the towel when he can no longer lie his way through?
It's Not Supposed To Be THIS HARD!
You have a right to know where the relationship is going.
It's a two people relationship, not a one person relationship.
If he's not clear on his intentions, And he's not taking any action.
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Heck, You propose, Get it over with. So you can have your answer.
Or if that's not your cup of tea (It's not mine either).
Then prepare to leave.
Men want freedom; it's their instinct. But at the end of the day, If he wants you bad enough, He'll make it happen.
And if he doesn't. Then you can find someone who has the same intentions as you.
Life is short; life is fragile. Don't let someone waste your time.
As a male, who has been engaged once before (I proposed) - this is a challenging post to read. That relationship crumbled due to the tyranny of distance (it was a very long distance relationship) - I might write about it someday!
I'm in a long term relationship at the moment where we've bought a house together, and I can't imagine myself going anywhere, or my partner going anywhere.
As an atheist, I see marriage as an institution of the church, and for all intents and purposes, being in a defacto relationship the length of my current one is in a legal sense, the same as being married as far as it comes to assets, next of kin, etc.
We don't want kids, but we do want to spend the rest of our lives together. In a selfish way, I'm waiting for the right moment so that we can have something really lavish as a wedding, even though I'd rather do something impulsive in a registry office.
I've put a lot of thought into the proposal already; just don't tell my partner! (She's not active on Steemit, but has an account!)
Wow ! I love this. I agree I'm also Atheist, but I love the thought of a non religious wedding, But something fun and memorable.
I love the thought of being able to "celebrate" the relationship.
I love your mindset on all of this :) And I'm glad you are thinking about proposing! Thats so exciting hehe You should write about it when you do!
I really feel like I want to hire a hall and have boardgames for everyone as our wedding reception.
For the honeymoon, I want to buy an old, beat up ute(pick up truck for those in the states) and drive around the country, with no particular destination in mind. Maybe a month or two.
To me, like a good book / story, novel; proposals should have something to do with something significant, and going back to the roots, like the place of a frist kiss, first date, or something sappy like that.
OMG I Love that! A month or two sounds incredible as a honeymoon! You better blog about this stuff when you do it hehe.
I Love that sappy look at it! I think thats the best way of doing it! It makes it all the more memorable.
Definitely will be doing so. I miss going out and photographing things other people would ignore. A trip out to the middle of nowhere, stopping every 47 kilometres (or another "random" distance) and taking an impactful photograph of a space in time is something I'd love to do.
As I get older, I realise more and more that time is the most valuable thing that people have got, and those who are willing to spend it with you are those that you should keep closest. BRB, going off to surprise hug my partner.
Her parents have already been asked permission in the traditional sense. She's doomed.
Don't get married 'officially' and have a threesome with the State :P
Get married on the Blockchain instead!
LOVE THAT!
I actually hate the thought of being "legally" Married. And I love how you said "threesome with the state" LOL.
I'm thinking an engagement, And A HUGE party A.k.a. Wedding,
But never the legal aspect. Or Blockchain hehehe!
After being engaged twice it is really only a piece of paper now. I am not completely fussed anytime soon nor is my girlfriend. Sometimes you want it but then the other person ends up being horrible or things just don't work out, then you got engaged for nothing. But it's a take the chance and aim for it if you love them kind of thing.
I agree! I feel like for some of us younger women, it's something we want so bad, We don't realize that it doesn't really change a lot. Sure, you throw a party and it's all exciting. But overall with more and more people cohabiting. It's changing what marriage means to a lot of people.
Honestly I think it is different, it does change things. The day I got married was the likely the best day of my life, if not top 3! It was amazing to have a big party with everyone you knew and loved all there to celebrate and be together. I am in the process of getting divorced atm but I still loved my wedding day.
I didn't really want to get married the first time but he really wanted to so I did it for him. Now I realize that I needed to do it for me not for him. The ending was inevitable really.
How ever the point of my comment on this is to say that having a wife or a husband is a big deal, its saying to the world but more importantly each other I choose you and weather you are religious or not (I am most definitely not) it is a commitment to one another that you hold above anything else.
I find it quite ironic that I completely understand and value marriage more now that I have actually been thought it. When I attend a wedding and hear the vows I now feel the seriousness and the commitment in the words, where at the time it did not have that weight.
Next time... I will choose differently and I will only marry someone if I am over the moon excited to do so. Otherwise I already know the outcome.
I find it
Aww I'm sorry you are going through a divorce, But it seems you learned a lot and next time it will be better! It's definitely something you don't want to mess with. And sometimes I'm grateful for what happened to me. I just wish it happened a bit earlier so I had more time to date around more.
Girl you have all the time in the world!
Don't regret time that has passed, it was never time wasted. You were young and in love and you were having fun, you said you enjoyed your time with him so it was not a waste. Now you can meet someone who has also went through a bit of life and learnt a bit about the world.
As for me don't be sorry about the divorce, it is happening and its fucking hard but its the right direction for both of us I am certain. I will be so happy when it is finally all settled and over with though, that is for sure!
Yup it used to be the preset of what everyone wants but now it is less and less common and everyone just has kids first these days. Shrugs haha
Right? I kind of like the thought of marriage then kids. And refuse to do it the other way around. It seems too crazy and risky to have a kid without marriage.
Well each to their own, but if you love someone and have kids first then at least you have that still which would be amazing. :)
Nice post @kaylinart. Following you.
It is better to check everything before going deep in relarionship
a relationship must have a good communication between the couple with you
Exactly! Sometimes communication can be surprisingly hard.
Great Posting @kaylinart this is a dilemma for many young couples where guys always seem to be thinking the grass is greeener on the other side. This is such a tough subject to talk about for most people but I think you put it perfectly into words and exposing the emotions behind this...
Some boys might run away with it :)
Yes But thats the risk you have to take! LOl.
How are you Juvyjabian? Haven't seen you in a while :)
For me its not a risk, its a noble responsibility. Im okay @kaylinart, just busy with few things. Still I never forget to post :)
That’s saddening to know about that. Marriage may seem not important but it is an reassurance to up the game as an entity, no more two individuals. If one side still confused or uncertain about it, better get it sort out ASAP. Things will just get ugly down the time.
I met this girl and was so introverted that I did not even kiss her till after several dates. I guess was a slow mover. BUT. Once I knew I wanted marriage and a committment I asked her with in a week or so.
From the day we met to the day I asked was about 7 weeks. We have been married over 30 years and I dont regret one bit. I dont know what the hang up these days is, but once you know action is important.
My advive to the young men is once you have been dating someone for a while. Give the matter some thought. Meditate, pray think about it deeply then once you know a yes or no. Strike while the iron is hot. Just do it. Do not delay. If you don't come up with a yes or no answer keep thinking keep meditating constantly.
If you feel marriage is not right let them go they are not getting any younger and neither are you.
If you feel marriage is the right thing don't worry about getting a ring ask her set a date it's like a goal the date is very important then you can move forward together towards this goal. Good luck to everyone who's trying to decide.
People need to place much less importance on marriage. It really doesn’t change anything. Focus on your relationship. The person you’re with is all that matters. Unless that person is an arsehole.