My introductory story on steemit! Life, death, poetry and the search for tranquility.

My name is George. I am a 29 year old student who is trying to complete my bachelor of education to pursue my passion of education along with helping youth out in any which way.

I am a very easy going guy who loves to write, read, skateboard, play music and video games. I am very passionate about my hobbies and am often quite easily occupied, but since January all of that has changed for me.

I went through hell and back and it all began on May 2nd 2016 in Fort McMurray, Alberta, Canada. As some of you may know there was a very large wildfire that stormed throughout the town of Fort McMurray and surrounding areas. It viciously burned throughout the town causing upwards of 80, 000 people to evacuate for saftey. Homes, businesses and the spirit was broken during this time. I can remember it like yesterday.

I was leaving the hospital due to a chemical burn from using a epoxy compound to repair something around my home. I was in there for hours unaware of to what great danger was lurking over the town. There were no windows and everything was normal as per usual. I finally get out of the hospital to gaze outside at what seemingly looked like hell. The sky was ominous, dark and black with a subtle hint of red. I couldn't help but think of hell or even the description of hell that I had read in one of Chuck Palahinuk's novels: "Damned." I knew at this moment it was bad. It was going to be very, very bad. I immediately rushed to my home at the time to pack a suitcase to make like Tom and cruise the hell out of this town and head towards Edmonton. At the time I had family who were working at the oil refineries who were told to stay put because they were safer there and then my girlfriend at the time was already fleeing for Edmonton as they were in the very midst of the fire as the highway was shrouded with smoke and flames. I was all alone, stuck in a massive gridlock listening to Clair de Lune, crying and fearing for my life for the very first time.

I had also worked as a general laborer at an oil refinery and like many others we were called back to work even as the fire raged on. I was skeptical, but I thought surely they would not bring us back if we would be in any immediate danger. Well, that didn't last long. I managed to return to Fort McMurray after being stationed in a hotel in Edmonton for a week to work and not even 24 hours later I was re-evacuating again due to the fire. It burned down another lodge and was headed further North of Fort McMurray causing another panic among fellow workers. I have asthma as well so this whole time my breathing was very harsh during this and I had to go see a medic who simply and rapidly suggested that I would be flown out immediately because the smoke paired with my lung disease could be very hurtful to my health.

The fire crippled my relationship because after all was said and done things just did not work out. Emotions were sporadic and it was simply very difficult to comprehend. I gained upwards of 50 pounds from stress eating (at the time I had no idea I was eating so much and gaining weight so fast). A few weeks later after all of this I was thinking: "Okay, I'm back to Edmonton and I'm safe with family, friends and loved ones." Surely nothing else could go wrong. Nope, I was wrong. I received a phone call informing me that I had been let go from my job. Another ball of stress that hit me like a stone to a fragile vase. I was crippled with fear of it complicated my future endeavor with my pursuit of education.

All of which led to the demise of my relationship among other things later on, but this was just the beginning of how my life would be changed forever.

It was December of 2016. I was back in Fort McMurray and on Christmas break from school. I received a phone call from my parents. They were asking if I had spoke to my younger brother Kobe because they have not heard from him in a few days. It was very uncharacteristic of him. They said it does not sound good, but I tried to comfort them with optimism because in scenario's like this the mind can run rampant with such negative scenarios to drive the sanest man or woman mad.

Another day had passed and it was not looking good. There has still been no word from my little brother. The cops were informed the day he was missing. It was surreal. I could not fathom what was happening. I was thinking surely he is just a young lad getting into trouble perhaps, but by 9pm it was official. He was missing and we had no idea where he was. I was at the shopping mall at the time picking up something...I would be damned if I can remember what it was because as soon as I received another call confirming that this is truly happening, I broke down. Tears flowed like waterfalls. I left and cried, and screamed in question of why this was happening. I was angry, sad, confused, terrified, crippled and I just did not know what to do.

I had arrived home to start a social media spamming to share the word. Have you seen my brother? If so please contact so and so while sharing pictures. It had received mass attention and I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart because it was truly astonishing to see so many try and help. People from all around the nation. I still can't fathom it and I'm tearing up as I write this right now. I was continuing to talk to my parents. I had told them I am coming home and I will not stop looking for him until he is found. They had insisted to stay put just for a day or two. I tried to listen to them, but all it led to was me unable to sleep and drowning myself in tears, and isolation.

I said at this point, I had enough of this-- "fuck it" I'm coming home. I do not care. I was to fly later that evening at midnight and to arrive in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia the following day at 1PM.

I was flying at night listening to classical music to try and calm my mind. Tears coming out every few moments. It was impossible to contain. My emotions were at an all time high and low. I can remember finally arriving at Toronto airport. I was in contact with my parents and still nothing. No tips, no word, no nothing on his whereabouts. I had a 3 and half hour lay over in Toronto and I can remember my flight was about to finally board. The final stretch home I was thinking. Toronto to Cape Breton and I would be with my family. I could finally start searching for him.

Nope, it all went downhill and the moment where I felt the most sadness I could ever feel. I received a phone call just as I was about to board my plane. It was my aunt. Her voice normally very upbeat and outgoing sounded dry and drained. I knew what was coming. "Georgie, he's gone bud, they found him." I could hardly stand. My crying previously was amateur status in contrast to what was happening there. People were hugging me asking me what was wrong. I had told them I just lost my 15 year old brother. He's gone and I was going home to find him.

I always remember looking back at things during the wildfire. I'm thinking to myself: "this can't get any worse." Boy was I wrong. The most important thing in my life is now gone. I never lost someone I was so close to and at such a young age.
It was a tragic fucking accident. A big mistake that could have happened to anyone and he just happened to be in a very fucking unfortunate circumstance.

I'll always wonder about what other memories we could have created, but I never lose sight of the great memories we had and boy did we have many of them. This brings me to why I want to teach, why I write poetry, and everything. I do it all for him. My life dedicated to my brother, and youth.

I intend to write poetry and post it along with various written content on this site to see how people enjoy it. This post has been strictly emotional and written from the heart and I'm not editing it like most of my other content, but I just want people to think of this at the end of this story as I thought of it many times when dealing with death, loss, stress, and strife.

Hey Jude by the Beatles. The song opening lyrics:
"Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song, and make it better
Remember to let her in your heart
Then you can start to make it better"

I am trying to take all the sadness, and grief by embracing my brother, in my life and throughout my existence. A ode to such a fantastic young brother. I will swallow sadness and struggle to create something to help others. Whether it be through my future classrooms.