KasiaTravels: Surfing in Costa Rica. #5: Back to surfing, Playa Grande and the fear of water

I have previously written about how I lost consciousness in the water for 15-20 seconds because I was hit in my head twice in a row by someone else’s surfboard on my first day of surfing. And yesterday you could read about my visit in the hospital, the disappointment I felt and how I really wanted to continue the surf classes.

I joined others on the fifth day of the surf camp, which means I had a three-day delay comparing to other members. And you know what, my ego didn’t enjoy that ;) I have noticed a while ago that my ego isn’t helpful in attaining calm, flow, and inner peace. But sometimes it appears unintentionally.

Unfortunately, I needed to take care of myself, and be cautious. Why unfortunately? Simply because I’m not really good at doing that :) I rarely pay attention if I may hurt myself, I am like a little baby in that regard ;) But this time it was serious, if I were hit by a surfboard in my head for the third time within such a short time, I could end up having serious brain damage. And hmmm, this is not something you want to experience.

Surfing is a sport that requires a great deal of both physical and mental strength. And everyday practice.
You paddle like crazy, you “jump” on the board and try to maintain the balance, haha. I had bruises everywhere ;) And I loved it! In Tamarindo, where I was learning, the waves were perfect for the beginners, as they were gentle. What I didn’t particularly love about this spot was how crowded it could become.

Playa Grande source

On the sixth day the whole camp, both beginners, and pros, went to Playa Grande, around 40 minutes away from Tamarindo. As it was almost the end of the camp the organisers decided that we were ready for new challenges. They wanted to give us the opportunity to surf in different conditions, to get the unknown ;)

This is how Lonely Planet describes this beach:

Playa Grande is a wide, gorgeous beach, famous among conservationists and surfers alike. By day, offshore winds create steep and powerful waves. By night, an ancient cycle continues, as leatherback sea turtles bearing clutches of eggs follow the ocean currents back to their birthplace. The beach stretches from the Tamarindo estuary, around a dome rock – with tide pools and superb surf fishing – and on to equally grand Playa Ventanas. Even confident swimmers should obey riptide signs, as people have drowned here.
source

The spot was much bigger, so we were the only surfers that day. And the beach was vast, deserted and wilder. Not only the beach was wilder, so were the waves. This is where I had to confront my fear of water for the first time since ages.

Some of you who didn’t yet:) surf may not know that in order to surf you often need to go further into the ocean, as the first waves, those close to the beach, are not really good for surfing. So as to get to the right spot, you need to keep diving with your board under the waves.

I didn’t want to be that g i r l that needs supervision or special attention, so I said that I will be good on my own. But the truth was, I was only learning for 2 days, and the rest of the team for 5, it seems small, but the difference is big. That particular day in Playa Grande those “first” waves were high and powerful. As I was not thought how to dive, I was just looking at others, the ocean wasn’t too kind to me, and I was rather clumsy. This brought up my fear of water that I was able to ignore for many years before. Apart from fearing “big waves attacking me” I started to think that I must protect my head. In the end, I suspect I had some kind of anxiety attack.
And believe me, I don’t get scared easily. It was the first and the last time I have ever felt like that. I was stunned when I realised I was breathing with difficulty. I was standing there, wanting to fight with this strange, unpleasant feeling. Ultimately I surrendered. And get back to the beach. I was still trembling. Funny thing is that on the one hand, I was angry and disappointed with myself. But on the other, I started to feel somehow happy that I was able to step back. I felt it was okay to not always be the fighter, to be more fragile, to be supportive of myself and kind.

After a while, I came back to water and surfed. And it was great.

What lessons did I get out of this unexpected experience?
First of all that I should try to be a little less independent and proud and therefore ask for help more easily. If I had done it, if I had asked any of the instructors to spend first minutes with me, I would have learned how to properly duck dive under the waves and I would not have become scared of this activity and the ocean itself.
The other important lesson is that I don’t always need to be a fighter. That sometimes it is simply okay to feel weaker or more vulnerable! It may be obvious for some, but I think it is not so easy for many. Especially for women because we often feel the need to prove the society that we are not a weaker sex.

Thank you for being here with me. I hope until the next time!
Pura vida :)
Kasia

• More about me here :)
  and here: You can travel without being wealthy aka a girl from a "struggling" family chasing her dreams!

• Some of my recent stories from South America:
  Kasia and the death road - la ruta de la muerte - Bolivia (part 1)
  Kasia and the death road - la ruta de la muerte - Bolivia (part 2)
  KasiaTravels on a budget: Reaching Ometepe Island, Nicaragua. - Solo backpacking on a budget in Latin America.