RE: "Saying NO To Toxicity..."
Wow.. you are indeed magical!
I did not expect so quick and thorough reply. In contrast, I did half-ass my comment, as I had feared. :D Oh, well, I'll learn. Eventually.
Interesting read, that link. I see that the answer is as always simple and the same - this too needs more love/spirit not less. Ok.
The take-away message is to simply honour yourself.
I know what you mean by selfish niceness trap, I am aware of such dynamics, but this was not the case, as the person in question was not present and has not been made aware of anything. It was more of the case of the outer feeding and cheering on the inner demons. That happens too often lately. When I know I'm in the wrong yet everyone around me encourages and then I can't find a way to explain how I am in the wrong and how they shouldn't agree.. :D
I mean I had to be honest to myself about what and how I felt, that much was clear, but it might not have been wise to voice it at that point.. but then again, what do I say when it's clearly written on my face that "something is wrong".
I just.., that neediness, greed, entitlement, audacity.. gives me shivers. Like in the presence of a person you always have to feel as if you owe them something, your energy, time, attention, money, everything. My natural, twisted, for sure, reaction to that is to go like, fine, you want this from me? Ok, take itx100! An energetical "Fuck you!" wrapped up in the physical appearance of altruism. But at least I am in control of the situation. xD
I am silly like that.
But that's actually my favourite part of being me. :D
I've found ingenious ways to be evil and get away with it. xD
Ha ha. Your questions pulled it out of me. ☺️
Looping back to Human Design... I guess you could look at through the lens of assessment that if you're feeling that kind of anger, it's a giveaway that you've been operating incorrectly - so could use that feedback to try probe where you went off course and we're following your Strategy & Authority. (And of course, some harsh words may be likely to come out if you aren't waiting for those emotional waves to complete and arrive at clarity).
Either way, sounds awesome that you're loving yourself like that. :-)
Do you have Gate 21 defined? Also curious what centers you have open that might contribute to that sense of "owing others something," where that pressure may be coming from.
And, is it really "evil?" And, is it really you that found ingenious ways to be evil, or have you been operating from conditioning in those moments, having your strings pulled by other forces/entities to operate their evil magic through you...? 🤔😈🤣😋
Oh, shit.. I just realized.. how I perpetuate that (neediness, greed, entitlement, audacity) dynamic. It is ONLY possible because I occupy a rather arrogant position of being, having, living MORE than that who'd wish to leach off of it.
And THAT is just not true. I don't have to level with them on the ground, but I can hold them to my calibre, recognize the truth. They have their own spine to lean on, their own massive backing of energy and I do a HUGE disservice by perceiving them as less of.. for then they look to me as their saviour, instead of looking at themselves!
And then, if I hold them true to my own calibre, not only does that help them realize their potential, but I also get them off of my energetical back..! HA!
(mindblown)
😁
I can't help but notice, how I'm quite undefined.. in comparison to others, but I'm not quite sure what to make of it.
The KEY thing about open centers:
These are where we tend to amplify and distort.
So it could likely be that when you get triggered, it’s that you’re picking up (as the open centers are more like receivers than transmitters for frequency) others’ energy, amplifying, then distorting it.
The alternative that comes with increased awareness is mere observation, acknowledgement of what is not yours, and the wisdom of what exists on those frequency spectrum you’re picking up without indemnify it with it.
😉
"IDENTIFY" with it. (Last sentence. stupid Steemit wouldn't let me edit, giving me error message).
(I'd also guess that this is a matter where waiting for the emotional waves before responding might come in handy, as that time delay may allow us to process out what we've taken in - giving us more time to discern whether we've amplified and distorted or not, and thus not reacting prematurely based on those distortions).
Amplifying and distorting does sound familiar.. yes.
There's quite a bit going on lately, a lot to process. Like this morning going to work, I totally felt my "get out of my way" bubble and it was curious to recognize it for what it was. Like I am not here to validate myself to anyone, I am moving because it's time to move, simple as. Whoever else is moving or staying put is none of my concern.
That bubble.. it feels right. In a reeeally weird way. I guess I'm so not used to.. owning it..?
Sure, I have to learn to inform, I'll try my best not to forget that, but the anger (either my own or someone else's) will surely remind me. ;)
The other thing I'm noticing though is that I have to learn to recognize when I have to initiate. As I have been avoiding initiating my whole life it is now a habit I have to unlearn. So I have to listen carefully and distinguish between my mind thinking it knows better and wanting to initiate and that tiny little voice I've been bulldozing over for years. Because if I don't initiate when I have to - it is actually a violation of a border, that makes others uneasy.. so uneasy in fact that they come looking for me to initiate me.. and then it goes south. :D
This I believe is going to be the trickiest part for me.. learning to initiate. And unlearning of shrinking myself.
I've noticed instances where I have failed at this miserably and the consequences of that, but I am also noticing where I'm starting to make progress.
Pardon my rambles,
Just sorting my head.. :)
How are you, though?
What is YOUR latest curiosity?
I'm sure it's not accidents of objects falling and breaking.. ;)
Hugs&Coffee,
~Josie~
I guess that’s what must be meant by the “closed and repelling aura.” Interesting to hear a Manifestor’s experience of that in different wording.
I’d guess that the key to your initiation lies in your authority - waiting out whatever emotional waves for clarity that whatever it is is in fact the correct thing to be initiating.
...
I’m... hmmm...
Primarily been in recovery mode, physical & emotional. Slow process.
Been putting in work on a remix that just finished & dropped today. I’m definitely understand more of my triple-activated Gate 9 (of Details)... absolutely loving the process of refining my senses and skills to diver deeper and deeper into the alchemy of production. I love the sense of improvement, each new project going into new territory, building upon past achievements, and exploring new dimensions. I had a lot of fun with this one, and found it nice to sort of find a sustainable workflow & groove as managing my time & energy effectively & efficiently - whereas I used to burn out easy by pushing too hard when the waves of energy weren’t there for it. Ahhh, yes. Sigh. The smile on my face. Lol.
Aside from that... no curiosities coming to mind, really. Still leaking a lot of energy from the open separation wounds and physical challenges lately (although there has been slight improvement the last week), so focus split between the healing and music. Not much attention span for a whole lot else, other than the usual bit of Human Design & astrology...
Kisses&Scotch,
~Rok~
lol 😁