You Can't Solve Everyone's Problems
All of our friends and family members have problems that they constantly have to deal with. Us being kind and compassionate people, we naturally want to help them solve their problems. However, doing this can significantly hinder our lives, and even theirs.
There can be a lot of stress involved in trying to improve the lives of others, especially when it involves doing so at the expense of our physical and emotional health. Most of us are busy people. We have work or school, finances, and a social life to manage. When we help other people solve their problems, we are taking away time for us to develop ourselves.
In addition, when we give advice to others to help solve their problems, we often end up wasting our time. According to Thomas G. Plante, a professor of psychology,
giving advice does not work because people want to maximize their level of personal freedom and decision making. When we tell other people that they should be doing something differently in their lives, they usually will not listen, so it is better if we do not get too involved. Also, by excessively helping others we could be preventing them from taking personal responsibility and learning to solve their own problems.
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For example, in former psychotherapist Scott Peck’s novel titled "The Road Less Traveled " , Peck recounts his experience with a client who was constantly looking out for his troubled family members. The man was a minister, and he was doing everything he would to take care of his sons, who had dropped out of college, and his wife, who was depressed. He cleaned after them, paid for his sons’ car insurance, and took his wife to operas, even though he found them extremely boring.
Later on in therapy, Peck convinced the man to stop doing so many things for his family in order to encourage them to become more independent. When this happened, his wife and kids took more responsibility in their lives and became happier overall.
While it may not be the best idea to solve problems for other people, there is a way to help them without hurting ourselves. In the same article where Thomas Plante explains that it is not helpful to give advice to people
he also mentions that setting a good example for others can be very helpful. If we show others that we are diligent, capable and responsible people, they will naturally try to develop the same good qualities they see in us, thus indirectly helping them without hurting ourselves. Personally I've found this to be pretty effective.