Growing up, I was a wild and young free kid. I was able to experience playing in the street and even in the canal. I had a lot of friends including my cousins. We play up in the mountains down to the streets. I guess my childhood was complete with them. I grew up in a family of four boys and two girls. Growing up with boys taught me to be tough like a boy. I remember how I wished to receive a gun for Christmas and not those ugly Barbie dolls.

Everyone was really supportive of me. My mom was a stage mom to all of us, especially to me because I had joined gymnastics competition even when I was young. She would really spend money to have my costumes be tailored in one of the best tailors here in our place. She would even allow me to go even to faraway places if I have to, just to compete.

I could really say that I am blessed to have this kind of life. But of course, life is not perfect I also grew up with a lot of insecurities. My siblings and I went to the same school when I was in elementary. All of them were in the first section and I am the only one who is in the second section. Teachers always compare me to my other siblings. They were asking why I am not in the first section,t unlike my siblings, why I am not joining Math Quiz Bees unlike my siblings and why I am not as smart as my siblings. They never compliment me whenever I make it on top of our section but never stop mocking me and comparing me to my other siblings when I don’t make it. It became worse when I was only in the waiting list of the passers to MSU-IIT IDS, a prestigious school here in our place. I guess I am not really as good as them. But all of it did not stop me.

I was enrolled on a Regional Science High School in our place and I was on the Science Curriculum, where higher passing scored students were enrolled. It was better because no one of my siblings was known at that school, though my sister was an alumna of that school. Comparisons were over and I was starting to make my own story. I became popular because of my gymnastics skills and my talent which are dancing.I was overwhelmed with it and lost focus on my studies. Then during my second year on the Science Curriculum, I failed. I was asked to take the Enrichment/Summer Class to retain my slot on the Science Curriculum but I did not. I was ashamed of my family, classmates and especially to my teachers. But during the enrollment for the third year, I was falling in line on the Regular Curriculum because I really thought that I was transferred there for not taking up the summer class. Unfortunately, my name was still on the Science Curriculum list. But because of too much shame on being enrolled again to the science curriculum without having the summer class which is really unfair to my classmates who had spent their summer in the school, I had myself enrolled on the Regular Curriculum.

In the Regular Curriculum, everything was different. Everything is new and I don’t know any of my classmates. It was somehow awkward because they might be intimidated by me because I came from the higher curriculum. But gladly, I was able to adjust and make friends. I was able to adjust to my new world. I could say that my High School life was worth keeping. I had learned a lot of lessons and had a lot of memories that I would cherish until my last breath. Luckily, I passed the entrance exam of MSU-IIT for college. But I really don’t want to study there; I want to study at Cebu City. It was my father who enrolled me at MSU-IIT. But because of my being a hard-headed child, I did not go to school and really stood firm that I want to study in Cebu. My parents did not allow me because Cebu is too far from our place. I was out of school for a year then.

That year really taught me that I should have followed my parents’ decision to study at MSU-IIT. I was okay then to take another entrance exam to MSU-IIT and continue my studies. Sadly, my father died before I fulfill my parents’ dream. I was really sad and blamed myself because I was not able to make my father proud when he was still alive. His death gave me more inspiration to be a better person and to catch my dreams and make it come true.

But I met this person, who changed the course of my life. He became my boyfriend. But beforehand, I can really sense that something is wrong with him. It was late when I knew that he’s a drug addict. But because I was blinded with love, I did everything to change him and support him to be better in order for his parents not to stop on supporting him. I became his chaperone. I did his laundry, projects, assignments, research papers and a lot more. I did hide his drug addiction from his mom because I don’t want his mom to stop in supporting him financially since his mom works in the other country and he didn’t know his father.

I was on my second year in college taking up Bachelor of Science in Nursing when he became worse. He made his pad a path session room. He invited his friends there and I even saw them doing a path session. I didn’t know what to do. I really wanted to give up because I was really exhausted then but I was still thinking of his betterment. But I guess I had enough and I can no longer handle the pressure because I was also pressured in my studies. We were always fighting then. He became worse and he’s no longer listening to me. He became irritable and disrespectful to me. Then I stood up for myself and left him. Then the father of my son came to the story. He was there when I did not understood everything. I was really devastated and down because the family of my ex-boyfriend blamed me with what happened to him. He became worse and he was almost killed because of it. Everything became worse because I was failing in school because I lost focus from it and gave more time in fixing my drug addict ex-boyfriend.

But the father of my son was so chill and everything with him was lighter. He became my safe haven from the disastrous life I had with my ex-boyfriend. Then with too much of everything, Sean was made and everything had changed.

I was forced to stop schooling. My uncle who sponsored my studies got mad at me and to my family and they stopped in communicating us. Some of my relatives also got mad at me and mocked me with what happened. But it was my grandmother who told me that “You may be in the mud now but I believe that you will rise up and be able to pull yourself up”. And it made me feel better and started to face the consequences of my actions.

I tried to give my son a complete happy family. I did a lot of adjustments to the standards and life of the father of my son. We lived in their house for years also. I had endured everything for my son even if we were living in a gambling house. There are people who play cards, mahjong, poker and many more. They are also a lot of people who drinks alcohol there and smokes cigarette. Everything is not really ideal for a child to grow. My son was always sick then because of our unhealthy environment. It was even worse because the father of my son is so irresponsible and too dependent to his parents. After more than two years, I stood up and decided to end everything between me and the father of my son. I became a single parent. But they did not stop me. They made stories against me that made the people in our place believed in their entire lie. I stayed in our house for a couple of months and did not go out because I was really affected from all of the hearsays that they keep on spreading about me.

Those were the moments that made me ask God with what have I done to deserve all of this? Am I a bad daughter to deserve all of this? Am I a bad person to face all of this? Now, I am single parent fighting to live for myself and for my son. It’s really hard and I don’t believe that it would be easy for me. I will be facing everything on my own and I have nothing to depend on aside from myself. I am now struggling emotionally, physically and most especially, financially. But I am not losing all of my hopes and dreams in life that things would change and things would be better, sooner or later.

I am really glad that Steemit came into my life. It opened a new door for me, another door to do everything for my son and for myself. I will never get tired of doing the best way I can to succeed in life. Now my plans are clearer and my dreams are nearer. I am now planning to go back to school and to eventually graduate and be able to look for a stable and regular job. By that, it won’t be a hard time for me to provide the needs and the wants of my son. I also want to take this opportunity to thank all of the people who never left by my side when I have nothing left in me. Thank you so much! And I will never be the person I am now without them.