Are you waiting to be happy?

People believe that happiness is a place to reach. That once you achieve this or that then you will be happy. I constantly catch myself in this pattern. Here's the deal happiness is a state of being not a destination. You can access the state of being happy at anytime.

You can be in the most horrible life circumstances and still be happy if you choose so. I know this sounds ludicrous but it is the truth. See it is your duty to be happy because when you are happy things in your life run smoother. Unfortunate situations will start to turn up if you focus on your happiness thus ending your suffering. Happiness helps promote optimal health, relationships, peace and well-being so why not focus on it.

I know it's not always easy to be happy and sometimes you need to feel pain and sadness in order to lead you to happiness. "The darkest hour is that before the dawn" can be very relevant in many circumstances. But if you are going through everyday thinking to yourself "if I just need to lose 10 more pounds then I will be happy", "once I go on vacation then I will be happy", "once I get my promotion then I will be happy" than you are in constant state of suffering and living in the future instead of the now.

The "if this then happiness" pattern causes your daily life to feel dreadful because you are just waiting to arrive somewhere in order to feel happy. Society tells us that the "no pain no gain" mentality is the only way to success and happiness. Your journey through life does not have to be painful to ultimately get to happiness. There is nowhere to arrive to there is only a place within yourself you need to draw upon and access.

You may resist focusing on your happiness because there is a cultural belief that only when you have achieved x, y, z then you will feel happy and deserve to feel happy. You deserve to be happy all the time and there is no truth in this cultural belief that you must suffer first before you have earned the right to be truly happy. Actually by not being happy all the time you are doing more damage to yourself and others. So I ask you to put aside some of your resistance and beliefs and give focusing on your happiness a try.

You might be thinking to yourself "that is great but I do not know how to be happy when I am in a job I hate, I am broke, and I am single". A great way to access a state of being happy is to focus on what you are grateful for currently in your life. Focus especially on gratitude in the area of your life where you complain the most and that you believe is causing you the most unhappiness.

For example, a relationship that has ended badly you could be grateful that you had a relationship with this person and that you learned so much about yourself. A business deal that has gone sour you could be happy you did not lose more money and that you met the wonderful lawyer you hired to help you with the deal.

Recognize it is your duty to be happy because you end your own personal suffering and you also help end the suffering of others. Think of it like this, you are really happy you go in to a store and you see the clerk looks disgruntled. You give the clerk a really big smile and you see the clerk light up and smile back at you? These experiences always make you feel good because you caused another person to light up, you actually made them feel better.

Your happiness is contagious and when other people are around you they can't help but feel happy. I mean it is a win/win situation your happiness means the end of your personal suffering and ultimately helping others end their suffering as well, hhhhmm seems like a no brainer to me.

I want to distinguish what I mean when I refer to ending your personal suffering. I am not suggesting that by ending personal suffering you will never experience a difficult situation again. Rather your internal responses to external circumstances and your overall experience of life will be altered. By focusing on being happy you will be able to experience a joy and peace in your life irrelevant of what is going on. Here is another little tool that will help you tap into your happiness that I use. I think of images that make me really happy. My dog's cute little sleeping face and my little cousin's chubby cute smiling face, both of these work like a charm. They are like a drug as soon as I think of them I can't help but smile and feel really good inside.

Your assignment for this week: Be responsible for your own happiness. Do not look for external things to make you happy (person, job, money) or wait to arrive somewhere to then be happy (vacation, retirement, marriage) focus on happiness in the now.

Use the tips that I mentioned above:

1. Make a grateful list. Focus on the areas in your life where you are suffering the most and have a loss of power. What can you be grateful for in this situation. You can write a list out or if you are in an unpleasant situation or feeling state just say the list to yourself.

2. Think of something that makes you happy: A little baby's face, a special moment you shared with someone, nature.