I don't want to be that guy but that wouldn't happen had you chosen to continue your home gym idea, BRO-seph. I mean, if you would see a gentleman's relish splattered on the seat, it'd be yours. Actually, I'm more surprised you haven't seen some sooner! My experience with gyms have cemented that aura of sexuality in them. But, that's a story for a different post.
That is indeed a different subject for a different post. A post of horror!!
I assure you, it would be nothing but the stuff of nightmares. Nightmares I tells ya!!
Nightmare and fondeu!