Baby steps to a "Panic Attack FREE" me...
When you look at a person, any person, everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed their life. Anxiety, depression and panic attacks are not signs of weakness. They are signs of trying to remain strong for way too long.- Deepika Padukone
Baby steps to a "Panic Attack FREE" me...
......
Last night is the first night in a very long time that I woke up at about 2am with a panic attack. I had almost forgotten how awful they were... and there it was, slapping me in the face reminding me of the space that I used to live in on a daily basis - and I did not enjoy it...
It is completely debilitating, choking and especially scary to step out of a deep sleep straight into that state.
Although, having said that - unlike all the times before, I was actually able to talk myself through it and end it quite quickly - which I am actually quite proud of.
YAY ME!
I literally had to have a conversation with my inner self, bringing me back to the realisation that all the things which used to cause the anxiety and frequent panic attacks is no longer a part of my life - no matter how much my conditioned mind may still somehow feel that this is not the case.
In many ways, I had become so accustomed to dealing with anxiety and panic attacks that my brain almost "looks" for issues internally to become anxious about - like a constant searching, except now... its not finding anything anymore and that almost feels a little "unbelievable" still.
“Confession: Sometimes I get anxious because I don’t feel anxious. Which means I forgot what I was supposed to feel anxious about in the first place and that gives me anxiety.” -Unknown
I am finding that in these moments, I really have to look deep within to find a sense of calm... which I know is a good thing, but I do hope that eventually these automated, somewhat "knee jerk" incidents will eventually dissipate altogether.
Baby steps...
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
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Good writing and so expressive @jaynie
Well done for working through it @jaynie.
I doubt anyone really understands panic attacks unless they've experienced them. They are so... strange and debilitating, and sneak up on you. Mine are usually when I have severe headcold or the flu; my head will get congested and I wake up freaking out because I think — no matter how irrational that sounds — that I am going to drown; I can't get air. Of course, I CAN-- I just have to open my mouth and BREATHE. But that still doesn't stop me from staggering around the house in full freak-out mode for 10-20 minutes. Fortunately, it has been a couple of years.
"Baby steps" is exactly right...
Yes as silly as it can sound to others, it is indeed VERY scary! I look forward to the day when I too can say it "has been years" :) It is definitely getting less and less, so that's promising lol ;) Thanks for the encouragement @denmarkguy :)
Thanks for sharing this post, i appreciate your writing....
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Very nice story, I like it.
Thanks for sharing blog....
You did great
Great Post Keep It Up
I love that awareness of these types of issues are becoming more widely advocated. I only this year started waking to panic attacks. I have had them but never from deep sleep. Its super disturbing. I have them under control now but still hacer trouble sleeping. Baby steps all the way. 💜
Shame @jaynie, I hate panic attacks. For me there is nothing worse. Glad you managed to dig deep and pull yourself out of it. Lots of hugs xxx
I'm happy for you, soon, you'll be over it totally