"Poo-Poo" The Kitten, and the Pain of Little Tragedies
In my top pocket I am carrying a small note book.
I take it around with me so that I can record little instances that may occur to me throughout the day. Hardly ever use it, but it’s there if I ever need it. Our lives are like little notebooks, and we have these stories that we carry around with us as long as we are alive. These stories shape, form and inform us.
When I was 14 or 15 I had a kitten that I called ‘Poo-Poo’. The others called him ‘Dippy’. I came home one day to find him spread out on front lawn after he was attacked by the Akita across the road. His fur was wet, his breathing faint. A couple of his claws were missing, showing that maybe he fought back. He had somehow managed to drag his little broken body over the road, under the gate and into our yard where we found him on the grass.
I was struck by the idea that he was coming home. He had to come home. I could see his desperation – “I want to go home. I don’t feel well, I just want to go home.” I recognize that feeling, or at least, I put my feelings onto my cat.
He came home to where it was safe, where nothing could hurt him. He needed to come home so that we could find him and take care of him.
So when we found him, we wrapped him in a towel. I could feel his little broken ribs. He cried out, but he didn’t fight me. As he lay on my lap, heaving and trying to breathe, I prayed. I also cried. I was old enough that I can’t excuse this as just being childish. It really hurt me. I loved this cat, and I hated that Akita. This was now the second of my pets the Akita had taken, as if that dog had it out for me.
I sat there silent in the back seat of the car on the way to the vet. I softly patted my cat, trying to comfort him. I prayed that God would heal his broken bones. Instead of spending what would be these last moments comforting him, or taking in the last of his living presence, I was not present. My mind was elsewhere. Did I have enough faith to heal his bones. Does God answer prayers. Is this such a selfish and stupid request. Does God care about boys and their hurt kittens.
By the time we got to the vet, he was dead. God had not healed his broken bones.
I'm ashamed to say that I cried like a child, as I handed the limp body of my favourite animal friend to the vet to be disposed of. When I got back home, I wrote a short poem about this tragedy. It’s long gone by now but the gist of it stays with me. I asked you to heal and you didn’t. I was hurting, and you were not there. I needed to come home, and there was nobody there.
Back at home I put out his food for the last time in his little cat dish and called him, the way I’d done night after night — a toothy whistle and a couple clangs of the metal dish against the tile.
I sat on the floor.
He was just a cat. He died. Cats die all the time. As stupid as it sounds, it really affected me. I don’t think any other pet’s death has affected me the same way. His death is symbolic for me.
Life is full of little tragedies that we carry around in our top pockets.
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oo wow.. this hurts. Nothing to be ashamed about. We all cried as a family when we had to put down my pitbull, Hercules. He was old and dying from worms and the combination was too much for him.
We treated him once, a year before and he miraculously recovered. We only realized he was sick when his stomach swelled up one morning... We did everything we could to make sure he got better.. eventually he did.
Then a year passed, he was running around and being his usual self... out of nowhere, one morning.. his belly was once again bloated and he could barely walk. I loved Hercules and seeing him barely able to stand and barely manage a step or two, was a horrible feeling... We immediately went to the store and got all the same meds again and started the same treatment. Unfortunately, He was in even more bad shape the next morning. We couldn't even touch him because he was in soo much pain.
My sister, Mom, brother, dad and me were all in tears... me and my dad had to pick him up and take him to the vet. You could see it in his eyes as he looked up at all of us in tears and his head fell back to the ground.. like he felt ashamed or embarrased, misery.. He didn't want to be sick. He would try to stand up as if to come to us and bring us comfort as he always did.
We said our goodbyes and I am ashamed to say that I let my dad take him by himself. I was soo upset I refused to ride along and say farewell one last time... we looked into each others eyes one last time and it was if he was telling me farewell.. His time had come and he knew it.. I failed him, I didn't go with him to the end, my best friend... When my dad came back home, he said they let him stand next to him while they injected the toxins...
My dad saw his last breaths and I could have too.. I am ashamed that I coward out on my best friend, Hercules
RIP HERCULES, I miss you bud...
Thank you for sharing this story... you have brought back some good memories with a very close dog of mine. :)
RIP POO POO
Thanks for sharing.
Dogs are really great buds.
They are and expect nothing but your undivided attention... man they get jealous when you have a kid tho.. thank God they don't get aggressive with jealousy... My new baby loves my son
A pet can be your best friend. This made me sad but I enjoyed it. Thanks.
PooPoo the kitty :-( RIP
I love kitties- we had 4 or 5 growing up - they all died in various ways. One kitty we got at Christmas ate some tinsel. She died. Another got hit by a car. ALl the cats we buried in shoeboxes up in our woods. My dad was good about that ritual. It made it hurt less. He would get the shovel, dig a hole. Once my younger sister had to pee, and he told her it was okay to pee in the hole! She did. Well, laughter helped heal our wounds.
Sorry about the tragic end of PooPoo. It's good that you had your pocket notebook.
I almost didn't upvote this because I was actually a little offended by your referring to it as a "little tragedy" and also the penultimate paragraph seems unnecessarily callous to me as an animal lover.
"He was just a cat. He died. Cats die all the time. As stupid as it sounds, it really affected me."
It's not stupid at all. Imagine saying this about a human being - "He was just a human. Humans die all the time."
Sorry but I have two cats and if they died in this way I would be devastated - I think most people with pets would be. When you have a pet they become a member of your family.
Whilst your description of how you felt at the time is very moving and is what motivated me to upvote - I really don't agree with the sentiments towards the end.
I don't think it is appropriate to demean people's love for their pets or try to diminish it in this way.
We are not that far from the animals which we like to create this false separation from.
I almost cried while reading this because the feelings got through. I understand your gripes with the language but bear in mind a person's upbringing can have a lot to do with how they talk about/feel about pets. My ex would say things like "it's just a cat" a lot and I met his family and they were all "stoic" military type people that felt emotions were silly. So, this person obviously felt devastated but maybe has other people's voices in their head about how "it's just a cat". I don't know this person so that is just an example/perspective.
I also upvoted because it did hit me hard but I absolutely agree with you. I would be RECKED if my fucking cat died. I think about it a lot. She's already 8 and I have had her since babyhood. My little buddy is literally my best friend and I will unapologetically mourn her death as such.
“I want to go home. I don’t feel well, I just want to go home.” -- that was the line right? I welled up bad lol
Honestly. I love the title and opening lines. It doesn't prepare you for the rest of it. You kept reading ready to hate it and got drug in. It was an excellent piece (also a cat lover myself). I also have that attitude that it is just a cat.... I think that's just something we tell ourselves knowing how much it will hurt to lose them.
This is my way of dealing with it, I have always loved my pets dearly. It isn't meant to demean the loss that people feel, that I felt, when they lose their pets. It also has to do with the expectations of masculinity to be hard as a rock, hence a feeling of shame for emotion.
That last paragraph includes the things I told myself at the time, they aren't necessarily prescriptive or appropriate for all times.
No problem sometimes it can be difficult to convey the meaning or context of things fully in writing. I think it was the contrast between the moving few paragraphs at the start and the ending that made it seem that way. I can understand that perhaps you were trying to convey the callous attitudes that others can drum into us at times or what others may say.
I think the abrupt cold ending fits the abrupt cold ending of the death of a loved one, animal or otherwise. The ending, much like loss, leaves one with a sense of emptiness and a lingering question "what do I do with this now..."
You can't hold that against him.. Which is why I let him know, there is nothing to be ashamed of.. Some people don't understand or believe they will be frowned upon for having such compassion as he did.
I'm not holding anything against anyone. Read my posts.
Thanks for letting this eye water come out of my eyes, jerk!
I love this comment.
I am sad you lost your cat and sad that an Akita was involved. As a child and into my adult years, I have had both Akitas and domestic cats. The interactions between the two species were very friendly. Akitas can be very aggressive and protective I admit, but given the right training, love, and conditions they can be very sweet.
Oh man this is sad. Makes me want to cuddle my kitty and never let him go.
Pass me the tissues please. sniff
It doesn't sound stupid at all.
He moved on and his soul is now happy with some other cat. Or maybe human?
Yeah animals are like family. I am thinking of start a steemit journal myself.
I have an idea to fill some space on my blog. A steemit journal. Let me know what you think. https://steemit.com/steemit/@joelinux/8-11-16-2-00am-california-mildly-entertaining-journal-entry-1