When Your Best Friend Dies

Death. We feel our heart sink to the pit of our stomachs with anguish and sorrow when we lose somebody.  A loved one's passing is the epitome of heartbreak and we all have to face it at some point.  There is nothing that can be done.  There isn't a special brew, or lightning bolt from the sky, or the wave of a magic wand that will bring them back to stand in front of you, in this lifetime.  It was their time to go.  We must come to terms with this fact, and it is not easy.  NO, IT IS THE HARDEST THING IN THIS WORLD ACTUALLY.  If we are lucky, we have loved ones around us, and we take comfort in each other.  Grief.  It is the one human emotion that we can't just make a conscious choice to change how we feel.  It is always there and it hurts, BAD.

I was listening to music this morning and a song came on that brought me back to a time where I was spending time with a dear friend who died in a motorcycle accident about 10 years ago.  That old emotion came flooding back and you know what?  I cried, and my heart physically hurt inside my chest, but it didn't hurt as bad as the day I found out, when I cried for hours and hours, non-stop, no time to breathe, just cry until my eyeballs swoll shut.  My mind went back there for a moment, but soon I just thought of his lovely spirit, his smile, and how he made me feel.  This brought me feelings of joy, thank goodness for the Grace of remembrance.  Our experiences with one another, bond us together with our loved ones throughout all our lifetimes.  The memories aren't just stored in our mind and heart, but at a cellular level our whole being encompasses that Love. We never forget, and they take a piece of our heart with them, so that aching feeling will always be there, whenever we tune into it. Our Loved One who has passed never forgets either.

I've lost a lot of people I've been close to and I've learned something through the grieving process, that I feel is quite a profound lesson.  Sometimes love is selfish.  When they leave this life, our tears initially are for OUR loss.  We grow so attached to each other in this life.  We love our friends and family so deeply and we can't imagine our lives without them.  How could we possibly be okay without them?  Well, we learn that we will be okay, eventually, but we will always remember the wonderful time where our paths crossed and we were one.

I wrote about my best childhood friend in my introduction on here.  Her name was Lori.  She was my soul sister.  We were friends from the time we were carried around by our mothers and grew into teenagers together causing lots of trouble and having lots of fun together.  Side by side, you can't have one without the other.  I moved away toward the end of highschool and well, then came college and jobs and boyfriends and all.  We lost touch for many years.  We were lucky to be in the same place at the same time (in our hometown) in our early 30's and it was SO GREAT.  We had a sleepover, we talked about everything and it was just like old times.  We left town to get back to our busy lives soon and well, I don't think we spoke again.  Lori Lynn took her own life 2 years ago.  She lives in my heart now, and in the hearts of all who knew her.  

They say that the good die young, and I do know this to be true.  Some souls are meant to take flight, and sometimes that means leaving this life for another one.  Life is not meant to be fair.  It is meant to evolve according to the needs of our souls on our journey back home.  

When a loved one passes, our heart shatters into pieces and lands on the floor.  Once we muster the strength and courage to pick up the pieces that are left, we carry on.  Yes, time will help, but there is no cure for this kind of  heartbreak.  

I appreciated the moment I had this morning with my friend Chris, and I cherish it.  This is how we keep them alive, and this is how we heal.  Painful as it is to remember, it is so important.  Don't just put a bandaid over your heart with distractions.  Don't forget.  Our pain is there to be embraced and to learn real, TRUE LOVE for ourselves and each other.

See them in ALL that is good and beautiful and true.  That's where they are, waiting for us.

Much Love

jaimelee