Black Dog Days

Living with Depression isn't easy.
It's not what people think it is either, a black pit of grasping despair that never lets you go. The imagery is all wrong.

Depression is a Black Dog, that waits just in the corner of your vision. Not quite visible but present enough that you're aware of it. The Black Dog waits until the weight of living wears you down, then strides clear into view and challenges you.

It can be months between my meetings with the Black Dog, it can also be weeks. But I'm always sure of its presence. Following me just on the edge of awareness.

I've found that awareness to be key. To know the Black Dog, what causes it to follow you, and to challenge it when it draws closer, not to run. To run is to invite the chase - the worst scenario.

Those around me sometimes wonder if this Black Dog exists at all. "You're always smiling" they say, "but you're so strong". I smile because the world is beautiful and I've much to be thankful for, I'm strong because I wrestle with the Black Dog instead of running.
It takes nothing to smile, to be happy is entirely different. And a life pursued by the Black Dog does not mean one devoid of happiness, but rather that happiness comes less readily and must be greeted as an old friend, gone long but met well upon return.

I'm not broken, there is nothing to be fixed. But this is my reality. I'm blessed to be surrounded by people who see my struggles with the Black Dog, who keep me from despair with a welcome comfort of silent understanding that stems from questioning me when I've the strength to answer. And I have to answer... To be alone I believe would be unbearable.

Will this be forever? Who can be certain...
It may be a season, or a lifetime. But there is so much to enjoy and to experience that it doesn't bare shuttering away from the world to avoid a duel with the demon hound until such a time, as may not come, that I am free of him.

For those of you who know the struggle, and are perhaps in the process of being overwhelmed, on the verge of giving up... here is a parting thought.
Surround yourself with good and kind people. Tell them about your wrestle with the Black Dog. Help them understand you are not broken, that it's not your fault. Fight him. Feel no shame.

Strength to you all!