In Hell I'd be good company

It's 4:28 on the clock in the morning, I am on the verge of finishing my last cigarette as I take a seat in the balcony of my mates bunglow. It's raining outside, and my bed is positioned in a way, that the leaking roof gives me the taste of a few rain drops; it happens every time it rains. Maybe a metaphor there, but I won't state the obvious. In the distance a few people are still busy howling out their favorite songs (can't really call it singing). I do not know why I am writing this but I am. I am bleeding, in a way that I cannot explain. I can still hear murmurs of a derelict soul doubting the existence of its own self. I do not intend on sounding a pretentious existentialist, but I will mention it in whispers, because that is how it always begins. A whisper and a little doubt. It sometimes escalates and dies down within an endurable amount of time but sometimes, only sometimes, it stays. It stays at the back of your head, in your head, you know it, it's there. Talking through every step you take, every conversation, every breath, every small move. You keep fighting it and sometimes you even win, but it comes back. Why? It never really leaves, it's never defeated. It has stayed so long that it becomes a part of you.

So is there a point of fighting it? Is there a point of fighting your own self doubt or your own existence? Shouldn't we marry our questions? Shouldn't we make friends with our demons? Know them intimately, know how much they know. Learn to sleep with them, to make love to them, to dance with them. We can fight all we want, but isn't love the answer to everything?

And then my demon asks, 'there is so much love in the world, people hearting this, liking that, spending billions on love, then why is the world still burning?' Another answer I wouldn't have. Another night I will sleep with my questions. While the world readies itself for another day, I ready myself to sleep. Gosh! You ask too many questions dear monster, come to bed, cuddle in my uncertainty. Let's go to hell together, in hell, I'd be good company.