Why do we fight with the ones we love?
"Between 960,000 and 3,000,000 incidents of domestic violence are reported each year, while many other incidents go unreported. It is estimated that more than ten million people experience domestic violence in the U.S. each year." - Wikipedia.
Fighting with our loved ones is something we honestly don't wish to do, but it still happens. The question is why? Let's start with basic principles; Communication.
I'm sure you've heard the saying "Communication is key." It couldn't be more accurate! This is usually where all the issues begin that later on lead to even worse problems. It's far too common to hear about people who don't speak their minds because they "don't want to offend their partner or upset them." Well here's the issue; When we lie it's like planting a seed that grows and eventually we have to deal with that lie, which has gained much more intensity. If we are honest in the beginning of a relationship, then we wont have to suffer long-term. (If we learn how to communicate better and honestly, I guarantee this will save so many relationships! Plus, prevent so many divorces and painful experiences due to hidden motives!)
Hiding "things" and feelings is the next poison to any relationship. This ties in with communication perfectly, because the antidote to keeping secrets and bottling away emotions is communication! We hide the spiders in our closets because we've allowed the haunting truth deep down inside to fester and multiply. It was not addressed when it should have been and as a result the implications of revealing our truth is much greater. Thus, we choose to ignore it instead and bottle it up inside. Obviously, as the pressure builds this eventually leads to a fight as everyone has a "tipping point."
Once our pots boil over, the game is on! The snowball effect kicks into gear. Jealousy begins manifesting which feeds the negative emotions even further, bringing with it fear and anger. We start blaming our partner for what we are experiencing instead of looking within to realize the truth. Arguments become natural as we have to release all that built up pressure from within and our partners become the collateral damage. We falsely believe it's our partners fault for all of our misfortune and sleepless nights. However, this is further from the truth as we are simply projecting the war that is happening from within.
Because of all the negative emotions that were not addressed we believe that we have lost control on the relationship. This further compounds the spiral downward until eventually we say something or do something that ends it all. Divorce or prison is often the end-result of something that was so simple in the beginning. Had we only communicated the truth and how we actually felt; this probably would not have happened.
I hope you enjoyed my perspective on this important subject. I hope in the future we may bring the divorce rate down and have better success with our relationships.
Credit:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_in_the_United_States
https://studentloanhero.com/featured/debt-snowball-method-helps-repay-loans/ (picture)
https://www.bangalorebuzz.in/2018/06/23/couple-relationship-you-should-not-do-after-a-fight/ (picture)
https://medium.com/@vcasaisvila/toxic-relationships-how-to-spot-them-how-to-stop-them-efbe9e8830f6 (picture)