These thoughts have been long written. With nothing but a cigarette pressed against my lips, and the pressure being pressed down on me by the judgemental society, I’ve gathered all the the words that have crossed my concept of immorality and I am letting it flow through both ink and paper, signals and letters, with the aim of making all of these marks in perpetuity, I am saying, I did it.

I am nothing, I am less than ordinary. Maybe this was the main reason nobody but one believes in me. They’ve always had this concept that anyone who is inferior will never make it to the top of the hierarchy, no, never, specially me.

The first time I set foot of that place, everyone’s looking at me like I did some sort of crime. Yeah I know, it was because of the way I dress, which was with all honesty, against their standards. They said I will never be able to fit in, but I did.

We have been given a chance to be one of them through sets of tests and examinations, I was competing with the top students coming from various schools, and they have thought I would not make it, but I did.

My first months of stay have been wonderful, I’ve met various people and gained good friends. But still, the judgemental society kept on pressing me down. They’ve thought I would not be able to stand up strong, but I did.

Years passed by, the criticism have been worse. I’ve realised it was not my duty to keep by the standards of other people, so I sticked to who I am. I was one of those considered the lower cut of the triangle. I’ve been smoking longer than I could ever remember, I’ve been drunk more than my body could ever take, and I’ve been skipping classes for the sake of satisfying my laziness. I’ve lost tracked. I’ve been to the hell and back. They’ve thought I would fail this year. They’ve thought I would not be able to continue moving forward, but I did.

I grew older. Together with the vices that have been killing my body since the corruption of my childhood. I’ve learned a lot, and grew up to be a person most people would not like to deal with. I’ve been tired of my everyday life, watching the professors spitting out what was told them to do so, and what was not. I was just waiting for the exact day everything will be over, while trying to reach out to those who were thinking they would not make it, but they did.

We’ve marched towards one hell of a prestigious stage. With all of those who have been there for us. With all those memories of happiness and sadness. Everything ended in a tick of a second. Everything was so perfect. So I am saying it. Even before everything else started, I already lost my will to continue moving forward.

I never wanted to make it, but they kept telling me I cannot, so i did.