💬 | Personal: About how I discovered I had depression. |

I have always been cheerful, a positive person. Fate was kind to me - loving family, health, no financial problems. 

I did not see any limits, never had any worries or doubts whether something would work. I have participated and won in many artistic competitions since I was a child, even in European and world scales. Now that I think about it, it allowed me to develop an approach - hard work and talent - bricked success. However it sounds - my ambition grew up with me, and eventually it became so great that it just overwhelmed me.

I have lived my life according to the plan I have chosen. The main point was going abroad. Moving away from the parents, great trips, parties, meeting people from all over the world, love, soon graduated from technology ... why did I feel empty? Something was missing and I did not necessarily know what ...

With time, it was getting worse, every day was like a lost one, I felt my life was slipping through my fingers. I wanted every minute of my day to be productive. I was telling myself 'okey, you will not go to any party this month, but you will design the constructions, thanks to which you will open your own business in a year. Or 'okey, you'll be at the gym every day, but by summer you'll look like a sex bomb'. I fulfilled my goals. The problem is that the satisfaction did not last long, and after a while I felt empty again.

I always thought that depression is sadness. No, depression is a feeling of helplessness, being numb not only to yourself, but to other people, perceiving the world as something without a deeper sense, often leading to an exaggerated search for this sense, ending with trying extreme tactics to simply feel anything - crazy parties, dangerous situations, excessive dating. .. Because of this it is difficult to recognize people struggling with depression, often perceived as confident hedonists - and in fact people trying to wade through each day in search of something that does not exist, sleeping over moments of powerlessness, not realizing that happiness is something that can not be found, and you have to learn it.

I've created a balance in my life. I understood and accepted that there is no point I will reach and it will be the meta, the further I was going, looking from the perspective of differences between the first and the last achievements - I should have been extremely happy, but I wasn't.

I started to live, instead of thinking about life.

Before depression, yoga and meditation were nonsense to me. They turned out to be a remedy, which I delayed for a very long time and I truly recommend.

What's happening with me now? I'm happy again, I'm still working hard to make my dreams come true, I'm still taking care of my body, I'm partying ... but all in moderation and sincere joy in my heart.