What would you do? Today's real life situation #1 - Man gesturing outside your car window before you had time to lock your doors
Situation #1: Man gesturing outside my car window before I had time to lock my car doors
Background: As I'm approaching my car in the grocery lot, I'm thinking about how better lit my car entrance area is than my earlier stop, a small grocery where this white woman was a minority shopper shopping in the market known for having one of the best butcher offerings in this upscale academic small city. At that stop entering my car was more concerning as the lot was very poorly lit, my hands were full and there is history of crime in this lot - one instance personally witnessed in the daytime. I hid my purse in the car instead of carrying it to reduce my risks.
In this well lit lot, I load my groceries in the back seat, push my grocery cart across the way into the storage holder, return to my car and get in. Immediately there is a man beside the front seat passenger window gesturing to me. My jacket is covering my purse still from the first stop. My instantaneous reaction is to lower the front seat passenger window a couple of inches. I notice he looks down onto my car seat. He proceeds to tell me an "elevator speech" rapid story about his daughters car issue in another county and asking if I can spare $6 for gas to drive there. My response- I'll buy you gas at the station nearby" and to my surprise he clarified the location and said ok. He gets into his vehicle which was right beside my passenger door. No wonder I didn't see him when I returned to my car from putting the cart up. I'm a white woman and he's a black man , didn't he have any idea how startled he made me coming up to my car window like that? I drive 1/4 mile to the location thinking he won't come - he just wanted cash. But to my surprise ther he is in his white older SUV (I'm driving an older Subaru wagon). I proceed to the cashier after I see he's at pump # 7 and pay for $10 not $6 (I'm thinking generous cause maybe he's for real) and I'm also appreciative the situation didn't escalate to something tragic. I call out to him "he's set" at which he replies "thanks" and as I drive by I ask him to "pay it forward - to do something good for someone else one day". He gestures ok. As I'm pulling out of the area to my surprise I see him approach another car. I go around the block, pull back in and drive by asking if that wasn't enough money. He responds " yea, I was just on empty and didn't want to run out of gas, " this guys to old to walk I'm 46". I drive off knowing I've been "had."
Assessment: I've been "had". I'm fortunate he didn't rob me or worse when he came up to my passenger door, or shoot my ass when I drove back around to let him know I was on his game (which of course he could care less what I thought- likely no conscience since his miserable childhood days where this behavior was likely role modeled).
Recommendation: Be vigilant. Shit happens and you will instinctively respond. Visualize repeatedly what you should do in such a situation so you will respond in a safe manner instinctively. Guys this can happen to you also. There is no time for thinking it through in the moment. I'm struggling to conclude what was the correct response and to share with my daughter,friends. Should I have just laid down on the horn immediately? Struggled for the car door lock in my dark car? Your responses are appreciated. Thank you and be safe. Kathy
Great post. It is best to be packing some heat in your car and make a habit to lock doors. You learned a lesson the easy way. A carjacker or robber probably wouldn't talk much. They would be in your car with you fast. There would be no time to lock doors, make noise, or call 911. If your doors are locked and you have a small gun like 9mm you should be fine. I used to sleep with a 380 next to me every night. It was more comforting than a teddy bear or bed time story for sure.
Thank you zhanmusi for your thoughts. There was a time when I carried a 357 with hollow points (before the cell phone age when I was on call as a nurse in a large city) and I was comfortable with its 6 inch barrel. I agree he in hind sight he was likely harmless but it made me realize how fast one can be vulnerable. I do think laying on the car horn in a bad situation is a good repeated visualization to replay even in a carjacking or robbery situation (actually fleeing is better). Please consider following me and I will do same once I figure out how to do so.
I think you did a good thing anyway.
You never know what brings people to do that.
There is even the possibility that he didn't want to ask too much from you, hoping to spread his request so that a full tank to get to where he needs to could be a small burden to a few people instead.
You might not have been so receptive to pay for a full tank, I don't know?
Hopefully it will come back to you tenfold in some way or another.
Good wishes to you.
Don't we want to believe he was genuine? I believe God finds my response acceptable and that's good enough for me. I don't think under the circumstances that I should have engaged in conversation but I don't think I could have locked my car fast enough to prevent him from opening the door. I chose what I thought was the least offensive response but I'm not convinced it was the best response. Please consider following me and I will do the same once I learn how to do so. Thank your for your response. Kathy
Yes, let's believe that.
I'm pretty sure God listens to your heart, not your words.
Regardless of the reason he gave you when asking for help, he obviously truly needed it. Even if he wasn't being 100% honest with you he may not have yet worked out how to get by in an honest way.
I feel sorry for people who feel they have to be dishonest to gain money. Trust and friendship is by far more valuable.
Perhaps, if it happens again, you can mention about joining Steemit giving the person an opportunity to generate an honest income.
I'll follow you :-)
All the best.
You're a good soul clearly. God bless you and thank you for the following.