R.I.P. My dearest friend, a weird year indeed

Hi there, as some of you may have noticed, I haven’t written to you in quite some time.

It’s been a weird year.

In the final weeks of a difficult project at the beginning of last year I felt some pain in my elbow and shoulder but couldn’t stop working so just chewed a few Ibuprofens and kept right on going. By the end of March I had finished the job and so stopped the Ibuprofen. Roughly six hours later; as the drugs wore off I realised that my right arm, from shoulder to elbow was basically fucked. I had a severe case of Tennis Elbow and after an MRI scan I was diagnosed with a buggered rotator-cuff in my right (yes my ‘good’ side) shoulder. The Doctor recommended surgery on my shoulder; there is nothing but rest that can cure the Tennis Elbow I’m told.

The prospect of surgery didn’t bother me too much but after doing a bit of reading I realised that I would need to immobilise my arm completely for about six weeks after the operation. No biggie you might think; think again. Not to put too fine a point on it but who would wipe my arse? Added to the prospect of this indignity the operation itself came with no guarantee of success.

I thought I’d read some more.

A while later I came to the conclusion that I would have to wait for my elbow to recover before moving forward with some kind of rehabilitation for my shoulder. Inactivity is very difficult for me as there is no distraction from the constant nerve pain and the three months it took for my elbow to feel better were not my finest days. I was in a pretty foul mood as even the simplest of tasks had become painful. I had nothing to do but sit around and wait.

The funny thing about Tennis Elbow is that when it recovers it does so from one moment to the next, at least that’s how it seems. One day I couldn’t shake someone’s hand without a stab of pain and the next I’m mopping the floor without so much as a twinge.

Elbow sorted it was time to start on my shoulder. After much reading and conversations with friends in the know I came up with a series of exercises developed to strengthen the shoulder muscles. This strengthening allows the hair thin tendons of the rotator cuff time to recover. I had no way of knowing if this was going to work but I wasn’t about to spend a chunk of change on surgery and follow that up with the humiliation of a paid nurse wiping my arse for six weeks.
Fast forward to December and my shoulder felt much better but I hadn’t done more than wash the dishes in over eight months and I was glad to be living alone as I wasn’t in the best shape, up in my head. I needed some action or my journey to the Dark Side would be complete.

I went kiting.

Although there was some discomfort I did feel much better and knew that the rehab had done the trick. I would need to ease back into my normal activities but at least there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Christmas was nice. I moved house on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas day fixing my toilet. Rock ‘n’ Roll.

On to January and I began to notice that Ben was struggling. He had begun to lose control of his bowels after a nasty round of illness caused by the blood sucking tics which abound here. Although I had followed the Vet’s instructions I don’t think he fully recovered. In Early February I had to have my best friend and companion of 11 years put to sleep. It’s with tears in my eyes even now that I write this. I don’t need to go into more details; truth is if I do I’ll be a wreck so I’ll simply say R.I.P. my dear Ben, you were awesome and I’ll always love you.

January 26th saw the 20 year anniversary since the motorcycle crash that changed my life. Although I wouldn’t recommend it as a life choice per se; upon reflection the accident and resultant injuries did present opportunities. It’s taken a long time and it goes without saying that I made a few more mistakes along the road to recovery and it hasn’t been easy but the truth is I have arrived at a place of calm and happiness. The continued chronic pain I experience 24/7 is still an issue but I am fortunate in that I have been able to use the pain to motivate me into action.

Over the years I have tried many ways to distract me from the it. In the early to middle days I turned to drugs and alcohol. They worked quite well but the unfortunate side effects were lost friends, lost memories and poor health. I tried Pool (the game) and got pretty good but drank too much whilst playing and as my ability improved the distraction from the pain lessened. My creative work served as a distraction but unfortunately the country I call home has deteriorated to such an extent that I’ve had to change my job. These days I get some relief from the pain when I kite surf and since this sport is difficult I don’t foresee a day when it will become routine enough for the pain to push through.

So we’re almost caught up!

It’s now mid-April and I got on the water four times last week. I’m learning a few tricks and although this learning causes me to drink more sea water than is desired, the focus required doesn’t allow the pain to push through at all. The relief is welcome and the side effects; better health, better sleep, a sun-tan, flatter stomach (not yet but it’s coming) and a general sense of welbeing are worth the sea water consumed.

One final thought.

The darkest days still present opportunities to grow. Although it’s hard to see the positive when you’re lost in the darkness, trust in your inner strength and believe in yourself. You’re amazing.