Mirroring May Be the Fastest Way to Find LOVE

Dear Steemians, in so many could-be couples, women are still waiting on men to send the first message, do the asking out, and initiate 'how was your day? calls, ask to be exclusive... It's up to dudes to lock it down, while women hesitate or seemingly downplay their interest. The concept of making a guy chase you has been around for what seems like forever and stems in part from long-standing unequal power dynamics, says Arthur Markman, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. "Playing hard-to-get has also been used to convey that women aren't 'too easy' and, therefore, less desirable," says Marisa Cohen, PhD, associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College in New York City. The truth: pretending to be unavailable rarely produces its intended effect. Sure, it could help weed out F-boys just looking for a hookup. But when it comes to someone you really like, you shouldn't be too hot and cold with your attention.

According to research, it's important to make your attraction known. In fact, experts recommend you take it one step further—for every move a guy makes, you should reciprocate with one. "It can feel strange if only one of you is initiating all the time," says Arthur. Especially when it comes to easy actions, like texting. Matching each other's efforts—a practice we're calling mirroring—means that sometimes you'll even take the lead (by, say, asking him on a second date). And it works. "When women take charge and put effort into someone who's compatible with them, they remove their passive attitude toward dating," says Julie Spin, a dating coach in Los Angeles. "Mirroring shows that you are invested in the relationship, which is a breath of fresh air for guys who might not know where they stand with you." And two active parties lead to higher relationship odds (and a more egalitarian future too). Follow this guide to ditching old games and using mirroring to find mating success.

YOU MATCH WITH A CUTE GUY ON AN APP. HE MESSAGES YOU, AND YOU TALK ALL NIGHT. BUT THE NEXT DAY, THE CONVO DIES

THEN… you move on. You have plenty of other options, and this dude should be more persistent if he wants to date you.
NOW… If you felt a connection, assume he did too. Rather than write Mn off, send a quick message to continue your chat, suggests dating and empowerment coach Laurel House. Mention something funny from your previous interaction (Any crazy dad jokes at work today?). Don't hear back from him? Okay, now move on.

You talked all about your shared love of music on your first date last night and just unexpectedly scored two tickets to a must-see concert tonight

THEN… you assume you'll scare him off by asking if he wants to go with you. So you take your BFF instead.
NOW… Go ahead. Make the offer, says Julie. "Send a text like, 'Care to be spontaneous? I have no idea if you're free, but I have these amazing tickets to a concert tonight. What do you think?' When this exact scenario happened to her, Julie says, her date was in...and even reimbursed her for his ticket. 'We had a blast," she says, "and it set the tone to move the relationship forward."

You two hooked-up for the first time, and it was great. Now what?

THEN… Play it cool (even if you gush to your friends) by sending an 'I had a great time' follow-up three days later.
NOW… If you're down to do it again, tell him sooner rather than later. A quick, sexy, playful message the next day will keep the post-hookup momentum going...and it can also help eliminate any of his worries about his bedroom performance. "Just like women, men are nervous about rejection and get insecure," says Laurel. "Don't make him wonder what's on your mind." She suggests writing, 'I really enjoyed getting to know you better last night... Would love to see you again soon.'

HE TEXTS YOU AT 6 PM ON FRIDAY TO ASK WHAT YOUR PLANS ARE FOR THE NIGHT

THEN… Wait a few hours to reply, then say you're busy—even though you're sitting on your couch.
NOW… True, his timing could be way better. But then again, you could have reached out earlier too! if you want to see him but worry this is just a booty call, respond when you see his text and say: I’d love to hang out I just need more advance notice. What are your plans tomorrow? If you're all in, no matter what, try: 1 happen to be free tonight... let’s make last-minute date plans' What do you have in mind? Either way, a timely response is best here, says Laurel.

It's been a week since you've heard from the guy you've been seeing

THEN… You stalk him incessantly on social media but don't make contact. Meanwhile, you make plans to get drinks with an old fling as revenge for the ghosting.
NOW… Reach out. Otherwise, your relationship will be based on a foundation of confusion and insecurity. if it's been a few days and you saw something online that you know he'd like, send it to him in a text," suggests Julie. Or shoot him a funny meme or a Snapchat about all the doughnuts in your office you're trying to avoid. When he replies, mention a new bar or movie you've been meaning to check out as a discreet invitation. By taking the initiative, you're making your intentions known. And you're picking an activity you know you'll both have fun doing.