Sperm Stories: Deciding to Use a Sperm Donor

Many babies born today weren't made the old-fashioned way. It's no secret that sperm is available for purchase to those who need it. Sperm banks have been around for decades, yet most people I've encountered seem to know next to nothing about the process. After all, if you've never been in the market for a sperm donor, it's not likely you've been exposed to the information. I'm here in an attempt to break the taboo and fill you in on what you need to know.

Who is actually seeking out sperm?

People who want to have babies, of course! There are three main groups of people who use sperm donors:

• Straight couples in which the male has infertility
• Single mothers by choice
• Lesbian couples

I belong in the third category. My wife and I are both women, happily married and wishing for a baby. We started looking into sperm donation about two years ago. It turns out there's a lot to learn!

Does everyone use a sperm bank for this?

No. There are actually websites made for people who wish to meet up and make an exchange without having a sperm bank involved. I do not know much about these sites, but a simple Google search will lead you there if you want to know more.

Some people choose to use sperm from a donor who is known to them. In these cases, they may actually still choose to work with the sperm bank, as the cryobank can collect the sample, perform testing for sexually transmitted infections, and process the specimen so it is ready to use.

Thanks, but no thanks. We'll check out the sperm banks.

Oddly (to us), after finding out that we want children, many of our male friends have enthusiastically offered to be our donor. I am pretty sure that the offers were facetious, but the truth is that we would turn down a genuine proposal as well. For my wife and I, the decision to use a sperm donor from a reputable cryobank was a fairly easy one.

Trying to have a child is one of the most important decisions that the two of us have made together. Our children will have two loving parents to raise them, and having a third parental figure in their lives was never an option that we were personally willing to consider. Our main concern about using a known donor is that he would feel like our child's father. That being said, many people who do use a known donor are careful to formulate a contract entailing exactly what the donor and the mother(s) expect from the relationship in the future.

Where to start?

I spent hours looking at the websites for the main cryobanks in the United States before we were able to decide which one we would go through. Potential sperm donors undergo a rigorous and long process of testing and interviews before they can be accepted into a program. Many cryobanks actually advertise their donor acceptance rates, indicating that most men who apply to be donors ultimately are turned down. For us, determining which cryobank to use was a decision based almost entirely on personal preferences.

Sources

Please note that this information is drawn from my personal experiences and opinions. I am certainly no expert on sperm donation, but I have learned a lot after months of internet searches, meetings with fertility specialists, and phone calls to our chosen cryobank.

If you are interested in learning more, here are the websites for some of the larger donor sperm facilities in the United States:

• California Cryobank
• Fairfax Cryobank
• Manhattan Cryobank
• Seattle Sperm Bank