A shitty day, living with mental illness
That's what yesterday was. A properly shitty day.
As I mentioned in my introduction post I struggle with mental illness. I have two and a half diagnoses. :P I have an emotional instable personality disorder (more commonly know as borderline), paranoid personality disorder and almost ADHD. My psychiatrist told me that I have strong characteristics but don't completely fulfill the requirement for a full diagnoses. I have however attended a trial rehabilitation course in ADHD for adults a couple of years ago.
I'll make a post with some more detail about my conditions but today is not the day.
Yesterday was one of my more paralyzing days. From the moment I woke up I was empty. No emotion, no energy, no interest in anything. I didn't crochet, I didn't watch any movies, I barely even touched the computer. Every morning I try to positively enforce myself. My morning post yesterday might not have sounded sad or anything, I was still trying to get myself together, but in the end the battle was lost. I spent most of the day on the sofa, watching what was even slightly interesting on tv(which isn't much since most of the things that are actually interesting I've already seen so it 's all reruns. They Love reruns don't they?) and fiddling with my phone. An endless day of scrolling.
A headache plagued me from the moment I woke up as well. I put that down to the weather and not enough sleep. Only got like 5 hours. At 17.30 yesterday I decided to try to take a nap. Maybe I would wake up on a better side, with no headache.
At 19.00 my boyfriend came and poked me to say the dinner was ready, that's when I got up. Was my headache gone? No. Was my mood improved? No. Well fuck it then..
More scrolling on the phone, some here on steemit, but nothing really interested me anyway. I just waited to be able to go to bed. If I go to bed to early in the evening I just wake up at like 2-3 in the middle of the night without being able to fall asleep again. So yeah. Got to bed at around 1, sweet relief from this shitty day.
After a while at least, took me a while to fall asleep as usual.
Today I'm better. I'm not so empty anymore. I do however seem to have lost 90% of my fuse today. I've been playing some sims but the smallest lag or glitch made me want to punch the screen. Sims would have to go seeing it's one of the glitchiest games in human existence.
I resigned to checking my mail, facebook, look at some videos, but that bored me fast.
So now I'm going to attempt some crochet. I sincerely hope the yarn won't screw with me today because there's a big risk I will rip is apart if it does.
I just realized this might make me sound like I have anger issues, I don't. I just get extremely frustrated and wan't to go scream into a pillow. That's basically the end of it though.
My poor boyfriend has to put up with my bad mood though. He usually just stays at a distance, hugging me once in a while when it feels safe. xD
I hope you had a better day yesterday than I did. And I hope you have a better day today than the one I'm having.
Maybe someone out there reading this has similar experiences and has some advice or tips? Share!
Wish you good luck and a better day!
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Just gave a whale vote courtesy @htooms's for your efforts (Check out his blog if you'd like)! thanks and keep up the great work @jznsamuel!
This post is open and honest - good luck wish the struggles you go through and not just giving up, And your boyfriends sounds like he loves you a lot
Thank you. It's a bit daunting sharing like this, lately I've become quite a private person, more so than I used to be in any case. But who knows, this might be theraputical.
He really does, and I him. On that front I am very lucky. :)
Hi, Thanks for sharing! Have you tried meditation? Or exercise to help relieve your symptoms?
Hi! That was a big part of the ADHD for adults I attended. I have also attended DBT, which is a form of behavior therapy specifically for people with borderline and related issues. Meditation is a part of that as well, together with grounding exercises, focus training and also to have a safe space in your head when you need to relieve a stressful situation like a crowded are for example.
These are things I practice everyday, but the first thing our instructors said to us was: "this is not an insta-cure. These are tools that you will practice for the rest of your lives." It helps, but not enough, and definitely not yet. :)
Thank you for your response though! :D
You may find EFT will relieve some of your emotional symptoms. Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping, is a way to relieve symptoms of all kinds of problems.
The creator of this technique, Gary Craig had fantastic success with Post Traumatic Stress patients from Vietnam War in Veteran's Hospitals.
So much so, that most patients who did the technique went on to live fulfilling lives instead of the 10 or more years of living in the state of complete fear and pain which they came back from Vietnam with.
Please check out the videos of people doing this simple technique if you are not familiar with it.
http://eft.mercola.com
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