SURVIVING IS HER CHOICE

Surviving was the only option she has, not because she couldn’t give up. But she doesn’t know how to do that anymore. She thought of dying but it's too late for her now, she has come a long way to end it like a coward. When the world sleeps, here she was, awake searching through her mind for a way of escape of being a prisoner in a free world. Though free to live in this world but not free to live the way she wanted. Yes she was free to move but not free to go to places she had wanted. With her head bowed, she pray they understands her, that this was not the life she had planned to live and she has been judged for it. This was not the way she had planned it, but it's happening. For whatever reasons she was not the cause, but the cross was her to bear.
Dose God really exist? If yes like her mother said, why will God allowed her mother suffered that much till death? She suffered in the hand of so called love; she was rejected by her own parents, yes because she claimed to be in love and got pregnant for her lover who never wanted a family with her. Again, she was rejected by her lover for being pregnant for him. Though the child knew nothing of it, the child too, was not accepted by her father, because he sees her as an unwanted child. The world at larger seems to be against them without cause. How great the pains of rejection by the people you loved and wants to be with. Even by a God who made you. If indeed there’s God just as her mother's claims, why didn’t he do something throughout those years of suffering? Why didn’t he do something even now? Why let her mother went through those periods of rejection and still let her die a shameful dead. Why will her mother be gone while she was still 12? With nobody to take care of her, only in the hand of a man who sold her into prostitution just at the age of 12. Just two day after the dead of her mother. Indeed, what a world?
At 26, she is still into prostitution not because she wanted to, but she was taught to. Twice she had ran, twice she was caught, brought back and beating for running. How wicked the world seems to be, for this was not the life she dreamed of living. Just then, her memory took her back to those beautiful gardens where she plays as a child without any care in this life. Where all that matters was her beautiful life and that of her mother, where she had always prayed for a loving father and not one that hates her without reason. Who can turn back the hand of time just for one more time? Looking at her life now, she is being seen as the best at what she does, but in her mind lays the greatest battle of all. Such great battle, to be free to live again and free to smile at will without fears. Free to smile without pretends, free to hear and use those words “I love you” without feeling being used and betrayed. All she had ever asked from them was just a listening ear, to the loud sound of the battle in her heart. Yet all she got was speaking lips. Like a face in the crowd she was being seen by all, nevertheless, none seems to recognize her for who she is, only for she’s not. Nobody seems to care for what she needs, only want they need. None noticed that her mind was locked away from her body. With her body she obeys but her mind has been killed over and over again.
Again, she understood that no man can help her, for no man truly cares. For the first time in a long while, she cried again, wishing she was never born. How will the world caused her so much distress while still deriving joy from her pains without care at all. “Throughout life, we’re not always going to understand everything that happens along our way, but we’ve got to learn to trust the unseen God. She realized, she can’t just wish things away, sometimes we can’t even pray them away, but we can decide what we’re going to do with the thing that happened to us from time to time. Completely, she turned to no man but to the only true God, that loves her from the start without her knowledge. With aloud voice she cries “when oh lord will this battle be over? When will I be free to live? When can I experience the love my mother told me about that comes from only you? Help me please, help me I prayed!!! Then came a voice in her heart again, “when the lord turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream. Then our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing... , out of those words of the psalmist, she found peace and comfort for the first time.