RE: Losing a Friend – Male Suicide – The Silent Killer - What signs to look for.
I want to share my experience with suicide here
Around 5 years ago my father found my stepmother dead in their bed.
There were stuff going on between both I dont want to get into it.
3 month later my aunt calls me telling me my father was found dead at home after taking pills.
Within those 3 month I kind of looked after him. I pretty much stayed the first 3 weeks with him to help with the funeral stuff etc.
I was studying in another city at this time and went home for the weekends to look after him after. I had in mind he might do something stupid but my stepmother walked the way of st james in stages and could never finish it. My father was determined to finish this for her and I thought we were save till he finished this task.
The tipping point was the death of my stepmothers cat, I guess he felt that was the last connection.
The 3 month between both deaths were very hard for me. As I was griefing myself I wanted to be strong for my father. After a while I needed a break and left him a bit more for himself, since I thought he was doing a bit better and I was fatigued.
The feeling to left him alone and therefore the feeling I was responsibile with my weakness haunted me for years.
So many what ifs...
The thing about suicide is whatever gets you to this point you dont get it out from this world, you just pass it on to your friends and family.
@flipstar thank you for sharing your story. It means a lot to me that you would reply to this post with such openness. I hope you are in a better place now and although it was hard for me in the beginning, time heals all wounds, however the memories never fade.
I self medicated afterwards pretty heavily to try and forget, but I regret that as I didn't properly connect with my other mates who were hurting too. Suicide touches many lives and I hope that this post raises awareness within this community at least. Thanks for reading and taking the time to respond.
I am doing much better but sometimes the blues hits me.
please dont get this wrong but in a strange way I am almost happy it happens. I came out stronger then I ever could have. I tried to medicate myself with the bottle and this didnt work and some pills(described by a doctor) which didnt help either.
I had still enough fight in me left to not accept that life has to be like this and started to experiment with meditation, reading self-help books, learning about productivity. Just starting to grow again if you know what I mean.
I am still not where I want to be and from time to time I still need to lick my wounds but I am on my path and my legs feel stronger every day.
Sorry for your loss.