Dog house rules : How to not be an asshole!

Sometimes i have quests. Most of my friends got used to the idea of me owning a dog, and just complied with the house rules, but some are fancy, and demand things. If you come into my house, drop that asshole attitude outside, then come in. My dog lives here, you don't.

First of all, if you visit me, unannounced, do not expect me to put my dog outside, or to close it in some room. If you don't like dogs, feel free to take the exit .

It's his house. His couch. His fur. If you have some allergies, go home, or take a pill.

I let my dog do the decorating. The spots on the windows and mirrors are not dirt, It's my dog's art. The lines on the door and walls are not scratches, it's my dog's abstract art. Also my dog's farts smell like a rainbow. If you go all fancy on me, and crutch your nose when you don't see everything in perfect order, you can leave.

My dog's ears and tail are not toys for you children. How would you feel if i would let my dog chew your kid's balls?
Couch has dog-hair on it. I like it that way. It adds personality. If you don't want dog-hair on your clothes, sit on the floor.

Anything dropped on the floor it becomes dog's property. You don't want that fancy bag of yours get wrecked? Leave it home!
Also, dog will probably hump a leg, lick his balls, drop some farts, sniff your crotch, do some barfing. Nothing you can do about it.

This dog is also here to protect me from strangers. It' s his house, KEEP THAT IN MIND

all the above grafics are from pininterest