I had a change of heart

drutter (69)in #life • 2 months ago

I had a cardiac ablation done in Vancouver last month. The procedure itself went quite well. My healing has been a bit rough. The bruising is deep and painful, only just in the past few days starting to subside. I had to really take it easy. After 3 years of suffering - including delays in diagnosis and then a long wait for the surgery - I am ready to get my life back. My family is ready, too. Neither of my little children have known me when my heart was beating properly and I was running at full power. My wife barely remembers the old me. So the extra weeks of pain and waiting really hasn't been welcome.

But my heart is beating better. And that makes all the difference in the world.

That's a photo I took from my hotel room in downtown Vancouver, right after the surgery.

Immediately, I noticed changes in my heartbeat. At first, I assumed these were going to be temporary, but I've since been told they're likely permanent. One is a more-noticeable heartbeat. It's not the same heartbeat I've had since the day I was born. My new beat is a bit clunky. It's also faster - about 10 beats per minute faster than before. If it stays that way, it means my heart is now beating 15,000 times more every day than it was before. I kind of wish they had been more up front about that effect of the ablation. They literally changed my heart - burned scars into the electrical nodes, forcing the heart to re-wire itself and create a new heartbeat. (This time, a heartbeat that stays in sinus rhythm, hopefully!)

Speaking of rhythm, it has been great since the surgery. I was having several hours per day of atrial fibrillation (a dangerous and debilitating rhythm). Since the surgery I've had only a few brief periods of flutter (a less severe rhythm). Unfortunately, I ended up in the ER the other night, with a pulse of 150 bpm. They converted me back to sinus with some fancy drugs, avoiding me having to ride the lightning again. So it's not perfect, but it's much better than it was. All things considered, at the moment anyway, the surgery was definitely worth it. I have part of my life back, and that's huge.

So my heart's not the way it was, but that's kind of a good thing, because the way it was wasn't working. I'm told it will continue to heal and re-wire over the next couple months, and even years, so to not get discouraged by the episode and ER visit. Fair enough, I'll give it time.

I'm feeling different about things. I guess this has caused me to think about life in a different way. I'm re-evaluating stuff. Also trying to let go of some hurts, cuz life's too short.