Living with Alice, In Wonderland

I don’t remember exactly when and how I found my way to wonderland. All I know is that I had not gone there for a really long time. I used to find myself in wonderland a lot when I was a kid but nowadays, I only occasionally visit wonderland. 

Don’t feel left out if you have never been to wonderland. It is not a pleasant place. In Wonderland, the objects close to me appear as if they are a mile away. Even my hands feel like they stretch out in front of me. The walls of my room feel as if they are moving farther away from me, ever so slowly. The ever-expanding room leaves me alone and feeling so tiny, so little, with only my thoughts to accompany me. Wonderland makes me feel like there is no me and that I am disconnected from the world. Time moves very quickly in Wonderland. I find my thoughts racing and going by at a pace in which I can’t really catch them and comprehend what I am thinking. What’s scary is that, in Wonderland, my body is not mine, only my jumbled-up thoughts are mine. In Wonderland, every sound I hear becomes so loud. Even the drop of a pin feels like a monster banging on the metal cells that hold it inside. Wonderland plays voices at me. Voices that seem familiar, but don’t make sense. Voices that make me feel like there are other people or creatures in the room, but my eyes fail to show me where. 

Picture src: Wikipedia

What I just described above is called the ‘Alice In Wonderland Syndrome’, also called AiWS. AiWS is a neurological condition that changes one’s perception of the world. It gets its name from the famous novel written by Lewis Carroll, ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’. In the story, Alice suffers from various situations similar to what people who have AiWS experience. One of such events is Alice becoming too big to fit on the bed that she is on, which is similar to what many people who suffer from AiWS experience. It is believed that Lewis Carroll himself experienced AiWS and based the novel on his own experiences. 

AiWS is pretty scary at times, especially when the episodes occur at night. AiWS is known to occur right before falling asleep and believe me when I say that it gets scary. Try to imagine the room expanding or contracting and you being the only person in the now huge/small room. On top of that, you experience hallucinations that make you doubt whether everything is real. I personally experience things going farther away from me and getting smaller (micropsia and teleopsia) but people may also experience objects getting larger and closer, with the walls of their room ready to crush them and their bodies so huge that they won’t fit in the room anymore (macropsia and pelopsia). 

It has been found that many people experience AiWS during childhood but slowly grow out of it as they enter adult life. It generally starts at about 6 and ends in the late 20s. I too, don’t experience AiWS episodes nowadays as much as I did when was a child. I experienced one recently after a long time, which inspired me to share my experience. Some people continue to experience AiWS episodes up to their 70s. AiWS is often called Todd’s syndrome, named after Dr. John Todd, who gave a description of the condition in 1955. 

 AiWS episodes don’t last for a long time. They almost always last less than an hour. On top of that, you cannot predict when you are going to experience an episode. After an episode, brain activity goes back to normal. Thus, it has been difficult for researchers to study the condition. 

Many people feel confused when they experience these symptoms. I just want to assure people who go through this condition that there are other people who have the same experiences and that it will slowly become less and less common as you grow up. 

This post is also posted in my blog: mrbikash.com