New Year, New Plans, New Life

Happy New Year! How's everyone? I don't know what's new around here but it's nice to see some of the people I follow are posting again. I would love to write regularly but honestly, it is just hard to find the motivation these days. My holidays were spent replying to emails, making other people happy, and sleeping early. I'm still here on my own, with my dog, minding my own business. Absorbed in my own isolation.

As you know, holidays are a busy time for those working in the travel industry. We don't really have holidays. It's good money but not for long. It's high season now but I'm already thinking of the low season. Just thinking of what I had been through during the lean times make me cringe. I can't stand yet another low season here on this island. So, I plan to go back to civilization to work. Yeah, I kinda miss the big city now. I had been out of the work scene for too long that thinking about it makes me cringe too. But I had to make more money to make things better. I keep saying that I guess. I don't think things will ever be good enough honestly. You keep on wanting more out of this life.

Aside from work, there are more opportunities to join groups, events and meet like-minded people in the city. I'm kinda tired of this small town life and thinking. And the drama and gossip. In the past, I posted about my disappointment. How the locals have pushed my patience beyond the threshold, business-wise or not. And how things work differently around here. So, I got hurt and learned. Now I tried to stay away from it all. On a positive note, it's good to be here just for business. However, if there are no clients, the days are too long. I hate to admit, though I love my solitude, there's the inevitable loneliness. I try to embrace it out of not having a choice but to be strong. Having a dog helps and for that I am thankful. I think it's just the island life taking its toll. Being from the city, I remember wishing for a simple life in the country, where it is not all about working and spending. Yet here I am, I still struggle to find the balance. But it's nice to know now what works for me or not. I am mentally prepared to leave and enter a new situation anytime.

Not sure anymore where this lack of motivation comes from, is it the lack of love or just a lack of meaningful human connection. Is it that I'm falling out of love with my solitude. Our beautiful nature can no longer satisfy me enough. Paradise can be bland in the long run. I realized that retiring early is not a good thing. It's like every day is a weekend. For those who are dreaming of it, it's kind of a nightmare. You have to plan your day if you want to make this kind of life work. Otherwise, you'll get swallowed whole into the black hole of nothingness.

My solution, when I am not getting any tours during the week, I try my best to stick with my routine, like do household chores, walk the dog, go to the beach, read, cook, repeat. And all the me-time introvert kind of activities. I even plan to buy a TV just for "distraction". I can only read so much until I hit the wall. Anything for sanity. Anything for happiness.

It's funny how people always give me this "join a club" a mantra. Maybe they just don't know what it's like. I tried to join and there seem to be solid groups in this small town. Unfortunately, I just don't get on with them and I can't force it. It's never easy forming new relationships especially as you get older. I usually never had any issues connecting with others when I was living in other cities. There's always a group for me out there. I guess I am just in the wrong place right now.

Nevertheless, I am still thankful for everything that I have right now. My business, my dog, a roof over my head, my freedom. I look forward to having a new life this year. I always try to stay positive and hopeful. If you want to live, I don't think there is no other way but to keep on moving.