The Way I Spend My Days Now And It Is Not Amusing
Looking at my Facebook feed I can see some of my relatives going places and enjoying the company of family and friends. Like my sister for example along with her husband and her in-laws, they went to northern mountains just to relax and enjoy some of the things that the place are offering.
So I couldn't help but envy them for doing those things, being mobile, enjoying life, buying a vehicle and driving it by themselves. While I myself is just here in the hottest part of the house trying to evade the heat by sleeping it out.
I can go out from my room but in the living room and at the backyard there is no place that I can lay my back and be comfortable. The living room is a bamboo long chair and sitting on it is not comfortable, only using doormats as cushion. While the chair outside is a long plastic chair and is not good even to sit on.
It is also funny and sad that whenever I go out from my room my father would repeatedly tell me to tell him if I wanted to go back to my room as if he wanted me to go back to my room already. So I am just discouraged to walk around and exercise my legs even though it is difficult work to so. I end up giving up and staying here inside my room rain or shone, hot or cold, flooding or not.
I missed a lot of birthdays and activities with my family. My goals was to be close to them like to my nephews and nieces but I guess that being away from their lives makes me feel estranged to them already. This is the effect of having an appearance and mobility condition and it does make my days go to pass-by so fast that living is like pointless already.
What makes me feel motivated is that at least I am accomplishing something everyday, being fruitful despite of being almost bed bound. I am just thankful enough that at least I have no lingering pain while laying down compared to a few years ago where everything just hurts.
This is my life every single day, haven't had much joy or things that I achieved and accomplished. What I do have is just a peace of mind that I might not get bankrupt anytime soon and that I can still patch-up my medical needs all by myself. Other than that I feel empty and frustrated because obviously I cannot do anything physical much anymore even though I still want to see the light of another day.
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God is good, don't forget that.
Yes I am a living testament that God is good @lisaocampo
Best regards.