How we lost our right for a bad day

Have we lost deep human connections when we decided to neglect the right to the bad day? How is this kind of behavior changing our day to day life?

I admit it. I was the one reading positive thinking self-help books when I was super depressed back in 2011. Future traveling fast forward, I am currently in the place where I have an ongoing career path and amazing mentors around me. Also, the biggest challenge is going on on the soundtrack of my life. I suddenly lost my father last year, and it is by far the worst time in my life I had to face, while staying focused and resilient. I find it hard to connect with people who had not gone through this experience. And, yes it is the subject everyone wants to escape from, and go to the lighter subjects.

Don't get me wrong I like laughing and sharing positive experiences. Although something is corrupting that happy picture, and you can feel the tension in the air. Have we become really good at laying everybody on how good we feel so we tricked ourselves as well to start believing we can handle to live that lie. My question is for how long?

Lately, I had an online call with my friend who I met during the machine learning meetup we held. We connected on a much deeper level and decided to continue sharing our stories. At the moment we met, he was going through a really bad breakup. All the time I thought he is maybe tired or the event did not meet his expectations. He was smiling and was the kindest person I met that day. It was really hard to notice this disbalance in his energy, and I am usually pretty good at it. On the beginning of this week, we had a chat. I wanted to hear his experience from the conference he was speaking at and how is everything in life going. This was the first time I got the confession from his side about break up and how it is hard to find humans you can truly connect to share negative moments. He met the founder of one IT company on this event, and they decided to join forces in creating a group for online meditation and just listening to each other. We need more profound human connections in the interconnected world, he said. And this was coming from a person who is minimalist, living with not more than a backpack and traveling the world giving speeches, educational workshops and helping entrepreneurs around the globe.

What I noticed in my city is that the occultism is growing. And finding myself as a spiritual person, but not really in the mode of following a community or religious rules, it is interesting for me to think about why this is the right moment in time for them to flourish. And the only conclusion that gets to my mind is that people are lonely and they feel disconnected from others. They need a safe bay, a place where they can feel it is safe to tell their darkest secrets. Where someone could understand them, not judge them. Or tell them: "You are strong, you can deal with it.".

Time is slipping. We are living in the interconnected world with things changing super fastly. We are walking the thin line between virtual and the reality we used to know. Virtual reality is about promised life, Instagram features. Usually presenting your life better or in the end line funnier than it is. There is a lot of scientific studies about how big is the impact of the chasm between real and imagined life on humans well being. What I see as a result is that we are collectively choosing to bring the more virtual world into the real one, because the real one is not so rainbows and unicorns as we know it. It is hard, and you will feel the bad day on your way. You can choose to call it a good one, or to reply "I am good" on the usual "How is everything going?" question but the bad day will still be there in your heart. Because there is no such thing as a bad day, there are thought you want to share with someone and your perceptions on a bad day. So, why don't you just dial your friend and speak about it? Well, it is not sellable. It is not virtual, it is real and it is hard. You need someone who will genuinely listen.

Your questions is, ok I have friends what is the problem? Consider yourself a lucky one, and give all kindness you have in your heart to keep them. Because, what I see in the C level and top performers, is that vulnerability became some kind of luxury. But it isn't! It is keeping our soul alive, and it is here to stay for the fight on a range of all human emotions. Jin and Jang. Balance is what keeps are sane and aware of why we should share both sad and happy emotions. Nurture your friendships as the golden yard, and don't allow your virtual sell destroy the raw beautiful YOU inside the reality. Listen to other people and alow yourself to feel bad in some moments, because it is the part of your growing process. Don't neglect it for anything in the world, own it and you have a right to claim it back.