Whats wrong with your life?, MAYBE THIS WILL HELP YOU, CLEVERCOIN2.
I wanted to bring something, a theory actually that's been sailing in my mind these days.
one of these days i caught myself thinking what is wrong with my life?, well a lot, it would take a great piece of paper to write everything and with each day i realize more and more things that is wrong with me and with my life.
First of all i used to be a negative kind of person, i mean really negative i for everything that happens in my daily life i would overthink, for instance if i wanted to call someone i would think my kinds of outcome, possibilities that would give me the certainty whether i should call this person or not, i would think things like:
"what if i call and the person is busy?";
"what if i call and he/shes sleeping?";
"what if i call and the person answers? how to make sure that talking to me wont be boring?";
"what if i call and the person is busy but still talks to me just to not make me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me?".
Bottom line i would think all these and so many more to just decide if i should call someone, usually it would take me 1hour to 1h and 55min the last time i recall, just to decide if i should call or not someone, and most of the time i wouldn't call, it felt like losing a battle.
Now I'm more controlled, for the above, now it takes me about 45min tops to make me decide if i should call someone or not, and now i call them often, it feels like winning a battle, achieving victory towards something, then, why do i feel like losing?.
yesterday i would overthink everything, i tried to predict with many possibilities many kinds of outcomes for each action i thought i should take, and most of the time my possibilities were right, i mean some of them, yesterday i could feel like having control of my life, of the events of my life, i felt like losing a lot because most of the time things i would do it was out of negativity, but now i reduced a lot using possibilities, used more the optimism but why i am not feeling like winning, achieving victory? why do i still feel the taste of defeat?
The Theory
I've spent many days trying to figure it out why, then i had a moment of sureness, i would say an Epiphany but i do not have the honor to use such word to describe something realized by me, sureness it is.
its not about victory.
Victory it is not achieved for those who seek it,they may conquer their financial, social life, love, whatever but if all of that was achieved because you wanted to win, then you are defeated, no matter how victorious you feel for having everything, you are defeated, but, if i do not seek for victory i will feel defeated, i will feel like losing but there's victory in defeat, in loss, victory that you will only notice when you feel like winning or when you feel like you've achieved victory.
Does winning, feeling victorious achieving victory really matters at a point you will no longer be yourself?
Today i called the person, i felt like i won, who am i?
-Clevercoin2.