Real (Wo)Men Have Individuality

We have been conditioned to understand what “being a man” or “being a woman” means and I think the essence of this concept has been misconstrued.

I have always loved running with the boys, playing in the dirt, and wouldn’t dare to put on a dress as a child. I have small breasts. I used to feel insecure comparing myself to other women; like I’m not enough and that I’m “supposed” to be girly, feminine, and curvy. Yet I didn’t feel like my gender is male either. I am sexually attracted to both men and women. I spent a lot of time feeling like I would need to be more of a woman for a man to want to be with me, or I would need to be more of a man for a woman to want to be with me. At the same time, becoming more of either felt unnatural. In a way I felt like my ambiguous nature was a curse, as it seemed like it would be easier to be something more defined.

I love being a woman, my body, and the release of shedding blood every month. I want to be a mother one day. I don’t feel that my soul necessarily even has a gender. I have come to learn that my personal balance of masculine and feminine traits and the way that I look and act do not need to change to reflect my gender or my sexuality. I am what I am and no image set by society can dictate the correct way to express that.

When we allow ourselves to be our own weird unique personal truth, healthy love and affection comes knocking at the door. Being myself has proven to be more attractive than trying to be the image of what I believed others thought was attractive. The only one judging me was myself. If someone needs you to look or be a certain way to earn their love, then send them on their way. True love appreciates the genuine expression of your mind, soul and body.

1. Everyone has some balance of both masculine and feminine energy and each side is necessary for the other to flourish. One doesn’t have to be weak for the other to be strong. They can rise powerfully together.

The healthy masculine is a leader, a giver, a container, a protector, source of strength and courage, speaks for truth, is linear, exhibits loyalty, and is powerful without abusing and misusing that power.

The healthy feminine is creative, tender, wise, patient, receptive and fertile. She is guided by strong intuition and is an open channel for creative flow.

A balanced and healthy masculinity and femininity can be reflected in people of any gender or sexuality. When an individual has balanced these sides within him/herself and comes together in relationship with another balanced individual there is a lot of potential for an especially harmonious partnership.

1. Sexual orientation does not define how masculine or how feminine we are. Sexual orientation is simply who our body chemistry says “yes” to. There is a wide spectrum with a lot of ways to go, and it can change. What gets your loins burning? Men, women, intelligence, humor, a certain kind of inexplicable energy?

2. The gender we identify with does not define our sexual orientation or how masculine or feminine we are. The gender we identify with might not be reflected by the anatomical parts we were born with. There are extensive lists that you can find online that attempt to label each of the different gender expressions that exist. I personally steer away from labels, but they can be beneficial for those who are confused about this idea to help form some kind of understanding. Judgment comes from misunderstanding. My issue with labels is that once we begin to over-identify with them we put limits on our growth and our being.

3. Our mannerisms, style, and interests do not define our gender, masculinity, femininity, or sexual orientation. We don’t have to prove what we know is true about ourselves by wearing certain clothes, or enjoying certain activities. It is enough just to be.

What I’m saying is that sexual orientation, gender identification, masculinity, femininity, and other personal attributes are all separate concepts. Having curves, putting on makeup and enjoying shopping does not make you more of a woman. Being tough and having sex with tons of women does not make you more of a man. If it feels right and doesn’t hurt anyone, go for it – but by no means do we have to exhibit stereotypical programmed gender-specific behavior to be real. The only thing that feels 100% authentic to me is my naked body – everything else is a costume. But sometimes it gets cold and in most places it is offensive or illegal to be naked, so until that changes I may as well have fun with the game of dress up.

Real people come in infinite combinations of shapes, sizes, genders, sexualities, mannerisms, and interests. A healthy world needs each and every one of our individualized expressions in order to be in balance. The form we embody can change from one moment to the next. We are all real humans, no matter what we were given and how we choose to change and express ourselves.