I can relate to so much of this. I've struggled with such horrible body image issues and disordered eating. I have been stunned to find that I am comfortable (for now) sitting right around 180. I never imagined I would ever feel good at that weight. (I'm sitting around size 10, curvy fit) and I just honestly can't believe how comfortable I am in my skin.

I want to start lifting heavy regularly again, because I LOVE feeling strong and getting stronger.

I'm dealing with some pretty serious emotional stuff right now and trying to find a balance so that I don't repeat past habits/mistakes by channeling all of my 'out of control' stress into obsessing over food/diet/exercise.

I don't know what my answers are, but your post, as usual, has helped me to clarify some of my thoughts on the issue.

Congratulations on finding your own peaceful place!