Selections from a recent session with my psychologist.
So, how are you feeling today?
Not good. I’m actually doing really bad. … Yesterday was bad, too. The whole week. I’m just so unhappy.
Do you want to talk more about that?
Well, you know, it's the meaningless and hopelessness again. Like there's no point to anything I do.
I go through the motions but it all feels so empty. Like there's a piece of me missing, you know? Something's missing inside me, and there's this deep sadness that follows me everywhere I go.
And it's like … it takes all my energy just to exist, and I’m always so exhausted. Every morning I wake up feeling more tired than when I went to sleep the night before.
Oh, and it feels like it’s never going to end. Like this is somehow eternal. Like I’m stuck in this sad loop that never ends, you know?
Go on.
I also feel like there’s something out to get me. Like there are things following me around all the time. Everywhere I go, I feel like they’re watching me.
I actually saw one the other day. It was this … how do I describe it. It was the most terrifying creature I’ve ever seen in my life. Leaning against the wall in the corner, just looking at me with … with the most hideous, malicious grin on its face. I’ve never seen a face so full of evil. Like it wanted to kill me, but not quite as much as it wanted to watch me suffer. Then it just vanished.
I’m hearing things, too. Sounds like people screaming. It wakes me up a lot at night.
Is there anything else going on?
Well, the suicidal thoughts. But that’s every day, I have to fight those off pretty much every day.
You’ve forgotten what I told you last week.
What do you mean?
You don’t have to fight off those thoughts. You can just give in.
What the — !? Did you just tell me I should kill myself?
Come on, Brandt. We've been over this.
What in God’s name are you talking about? I don't follow.
Sigh. How many times do I have to tell you this?
YOU ARE IN HELL.
What? You’re crazy. There’s no way I’m —
If you try to kill yourself here, nothing will happen, because you're already dead. … It was suicide, incidentally, which makes this whole scenario pretty funny.
This … This is impossible.
It’s not just possible, it’s the truth. And you're in denial.
I am NOT in denial! Or in hell, either! You’ve got to be —
You’ve also forgotten how we talked about delusions. This is one of those falsely held beliefs. It's obvious to everyone, except for you apparently, that we're in hell. Here, let me open the blinds. Look out the window! See? Lake of fire, fallen angels, some souls getting tortured over there, plus of course all that goddamn brimstone everywhere stinking up the place. The whole nine yards. All nine circles, if you want to think about it that way. We're in hell.
Yet you cling to the false belief that you are still living out your life on Earth.
This doesn’t make any sense at all. And why would hell need psychologists, anyway?
It’s just part of your personal suffering package. We like to give everyone a unique experience here, and we’ve found that drawing on actual Earth experiences helps us create an effective, well-rounded package for the damned.
What the … So how long have I been here? How long have I been coming to see you??
Oh, about 600 Earth years.
This is just unbelievable. How come I don’t remember any of those other sessions, huh? Why don’t I —
Because at the beginning of every session we reset your memory. That way you have to go through the shock and emotional turmoil of discovering that you’re in hell, every week, for all of eternity. It’s really quite an entertaining game, to be honest.
But I was a believer! I believed in God!! How come I didn’t go to heaven?
Oh, there is no God. He never existed. Humans just invented him as a way to cope with their meaningless existence. You know that whole good vs. evil theme? Yeah, not really a thing. There’s just evil.
Is this political commentary in disguise? This feels like post state of the union shock response.
It is not, although I guess it could be. I didn't watch the state of the union. I'm no longer able to see our president's face without projectile vomiting all over my apartment, and that's just messy and gross.
And oh, maybe it's political commentary now!
TBH I didn't watch it either. To avoid exactly what you said...
I sure wish my vote was worth more than a damn pence because that was a grand journey of a short story. Thanks! Oh! I can Resteem - wooooosh!
You're welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed the journey. Thanks for the resteem, too. I didn't know resteeming made a "wooooosh" sound!
For me it does! What does yours sound like? I found myself thinking of your piece again today (it is both shocking and introspective at the same time) and how you were able to move it along so swiftly. So, i came back and read it again today :-)
My resteem is usually silent, but every once in a while it sounds like all seven trumpets in the Book of Revelation blasting at once. It's kind of scary.
I'll let you in on a little bit of trivia about those visuals: Those are all photos of the inside of the shack seen at the end of this blog.
Thanks for stopping by to read my story again. I must have done something right. I can't wait to tell my psychologist all about this!
Holy Crap! Did I mention the visuals with this post are epic? I love shooting abandoned places. I will share a Bodie pic and write a story about it next!
Very funny