The Dying Breed of Functional Alcoholics in Ireland.

Ireland is famous for its drinking culture. We do drink quite a bit. It is mostly a social thing. You would go for coffee, us Irish would go for a couple of drinks. In fact us Irish often wonder what the hell everyone else does to have fun. Alcohol does funny things to your body and makes you more extrovert. You get brave and funny things happen. No good story ever started with " I went out for a salad" ..... (Even if it does make you 11 years younger @janton ). Up to nearly 5 years ago before the arrival of Tinder most Irish married people met in a pub.

"We are a bunch of introverts that can't take a compliment." They are not my words. My boss from the UK describing the Irish. Whenever praise was given the Irish shifted uneasy in their place and changed the subject at the first given opportunity. I do the same. Outside of our biggest city Dublin where one quarter of our population lives , Ireland is mostly made up of small rural communities in towns and villages. Single farmers have nothing else to do after the cows are milked but go down the pub for a chat to talk to their friends. Sport such as our native GAA has massive importance bringing our community together and people go to the pub after matches to argue and talk about the game. All these things put together make Ireland and alcohol a match made in heaven.

Here in Ireland, there are many alcoholics that live perfectly normal lives. Now when I say perfect I shudder the thought of having their lifestyle but they do function effectively in society. An AA meeting would not even come into their minds. They love drinking and they don't find it a problem. Thats the thing. There are thousands of alcoholics in Ireland but they don't even think that they are an alcoholics and they do not want help. I will outline a few well known examples here.

The first example is Bernard 70 from Tipperary.

He drinks in my local in town. He is married and kids are grown up. So Bernard owns a Jewellers. A very good one at that. They always had a knack of knowing what brands to sell. They were the first to bring Pandora into Ireland for example. Now looking at Bernard he is the last man to think he is down with the cool kids but he is. So I will go through Bernards average day. When I say average I mean this is actually his day Monday to Friday for the last 20 years. No messing. He never ever changes his routine. He gets up at 6.30 and walks to his store in the town centre. He opens up, puts the floats out and counts the takings from the previous day. The shop opens at 9. His staff come in which free's him up to bring the cash from the previous day across the road to the bank. He potters about until 11.50am. At 12 sharp he finishes work and walks into his first pub around the corner from the shop called Mulcahys. He has a pint with his dinner and 3 more to wash it down. At 2pm he walks to the next pub called the Local. He has another 4 pints of Guinness there. He walks out at 15:50. At 4 o clock he walks to his last pub for his final 4 pints of Guinness of the day. He walks out the door at 6pm sharp and goes home for his dinner. He repeats this 5 days a week. At the weekend he is off and spends all day in the pub as well. So this guy is drinking 12 pints per day. Monday - Friday. That is 60 pints of Guinness and then for arguments sake say another 6 on Saturday and Sunday at the least. Thats 72 pint of Guinness a week. Mother of god. We add this up in monetary value. A pint is €4.60. So he is spending €331 a week on Guinness alone. The thing about Bernard is even if he is having the greatest time in the world, once 6pm hits he is out the door and gone home. That's discipline. And he is up at 6.30 the next morning to do his groundhog day all over again. A good functioning alcoholic.

The second example is more extreme Morgan who is 35 years old from Limerick.

Morgan is married with 3 kids. He is a builder by trade and has 5 labourers working for him. He has a good business and is married to a high flying executive at an airport leasing company. Morgan gets up at 8am and heads to the site. He makes sure his employees are set up on site and heads for his breakfast at 11 in a bar. He has 5 pints of lager in 40 minutes. He goes back to the site and he goes on lunch. He has another 5 lagers on his lunch. He then goes back to work and works with his labourers. He finishes his day at 5pm and has another 5 pints and is home by 7pm. His wife doesn't know he has drinks in the morning and lunch time. She knows he goes for a few after work and is always telling him he cant hold his drink because he only has a few after work and comes home drunk! He goes all out at the weekend and his weekly spend on drink is €700. His wife gets 30k bonus every quarter so money is not really monitored on her side. He pays for his own drink of course. My friend told me on a Saturday this guy could knock back 20 pints.

Third case study is Johnny and Paddy from Cashel (where the Rock is)

Johnny and Paddy go to every funeral in the town because they knows the drink flows freely. They are in their 60's. Johnny is a plumber and Paddy a tiler. They complement each other in work and in leisure. They head to the afters of every funeral to pass on their commiserations. They know the whole town so they are not out of place at funerals. They can't afford to feed their habit so this is the best way to do it. The funny thing is when no-one in the town dies , Johnny and Paddy go to visit the sick in the hospital. I think this is hilarious.My father says they are doing their research to see who is next to go. I always found this a bit creepy!
Me, personally I couldn't deal with the hangovers. Just couldn't deal with it but Morgan told me that if you don't stop drinking you don't get a hangover! I don't know about that now Morgan. So he is always feels rough in other words. I would hate that. The financial aspect of it also. Two of the guys above would be financially secure but I couldn't afford or want to spend this kind of money on booze. They are basically pissing that money against a wall. My wife wouldn't put up with it either.I'd be shown the door. But I wouldn't like to do it to her in the first place.
In my 20's I used to drink heavily but I was young and free and as I said above , I way preferred the social aspect rather than the drink itself. I never drank at home and when I did it was wine with a meal. When I reached my 30's I stopped drinking as much and got more into fitness. Then the baby was born I gave up going out altogether. I still have a drink now and then but nothing mad. I'd prefer to play golf early Sunday morning than go out Saturday night. I do go away to football matches with the lads but those days are special occasions now.

Ireland is going through a change at the minute. We were one of the first countries to vote gay marriage into our constitution. We legalised abortion and basically told the catholic church to take a run and jump. Socially people are getting more active and the older generations ways of doing things is dying out which I think is a good thing. The pubs are closing down and the gyms are full. I know some people will think this is a bad but there are too many stories I have heard where there wasn't enough money on the table for the family because the husband drank it all. Their wife's would end up making flour scones to keep the kids from hunger. This was just a few years ago and it still happens but Ireland has finally woken up to this. So I won't miss this side of Ireland where drink was the be all and end all. I will not miss it at all. Hard drugs is the new battle and it going to be an even bigger problem than alcoholism.

Image Sources:
www.pinterest.com
www.videohive.net
www.byg.ie