Lucy & me.
Hi everyone! Bella’s here!
This time I’ll share with you how I met Lucy, my life partner…finally I decided to open up and tell you guys about her. You might think is a girl, a puppy or even an imaginary friend…well..you’re wrong, Lucy isn’t any of those options..Lucy, as I like to call it, is my depression.
It all started when I was a baby, my mom used to think I was sick because I didn’t like sleeping nor eating, seriously..I could sleep only for about an hour per day. As I started growing up she would think I was a special kid because I didn’t like talking to people, I used to cry in silence out of nowhere (not normal at all for a kid) and she never knew why; after a year of dealing with me in that state, my parents decided to take me to a specialist and that’s how they knew they were going to have a hard time with their only daughter thanks to depression.
Childhood wasn’t so hard, I had a lot of friends and cousins, so I didn’t know what loneliness was. It hit me when I reached 14 years-old, my weight was 110 pounds (pretty normal considering I’m 5’1) and I thought I had to lose some weight, I started dancing more (9 hours per day to be exact) and without realising..eating less. At first I didn’t stop eating on purpose, but when I felt I was more skinny, I thought it was a good thing, so I stopped eating completely. Time passed just like my weight…it was 85 pounds and I was still feeling fat.
As time went by I became more depressed each day, I cut myself, tried to kill myself a few times (thanks to my mom I didn’t die) and lastly… voices in my head appeared, I can’t even tell you how awful those voices were. At 16 I reached bottom, after hospitals became my home, I told my parents I needed help and that I could not stand it anymore. They sent me to a psychiatrist and a nutritionist, that’s when my life changed.
My psychiatrist taught me to love myself and how to live with depression, it can’t be cured but you can learn how to live with it, that’s when I decided to call it Lucy since I can’t ignore its presence but I can control it.
After 3 years, my weight is 99 pounds. I can finally say I’m happy with who I am and my looks, it was extremely hard, but I made it.
Yes..somedays I wake up depressed, but it’s normal and it fades away with time, love and patience, it's all up to you.
Here's a video about how Lucy feels like: Hope this video helps you to know more about depression and how to handle it. Thanks to World Health Organization for the video and to you guys for your support!
That was very inspirational. :)
Wow, Bella.
That was thought-provoking and candid. What can I say about depression? Hmmm. I've suffered it for quite a while but at the same time, I was cocky little shit of a kid (being football-mad in the uk, I never had a dull moment, growing up).
Since, I've had triumphs, I've had failures. I even had a job working in a prison on suicide prevention. Then, a few years back I remembered being involved in a child's accidental death (as a child, a year younger, myself). It really knocked me for six.
You've got to find a place to put these things - because as you say, they'll never go away. But there's so much good about life, you mustn't let things beat you. It's good to see you looking healthy and to hear that you're well on the mend and apparently dealing with things better now.
Good luck and stay healthy. I listened earlier to your 'Rock with me' and loved it. Do things that you find fun, with people you care about or at least could some day care about. Avoid negative people / thoughts. Get active?
All the best, yeah? :)